Im missing you....

Friday, May 19, 2006

Im missing you....

Current mood: sad

Tribute To A Best Friend

Sunlight streams through window pane
unto a spot on the floor
....then I remember,
it's where you used to lie,
but now you are no more.
Our feet walk down a hall of carpet,
and muted echoes sound
....then I remember,
It's where your paws would joyously abound.
A voice is heard along the road,
and up beyond the hill,
then I remember it can't be yours....
your golden voice is still.
But I'll take that vacant spot of floor
and empty muted hall
and lay them with the absent voice
and unused dish along the wall.
I'll wrap these treasured memorials
in a blanket of my love
and keep them for my best friend
until we meet above.

"Wishes"

I wish I could have told you,
in words you'd understand,
wanted you to stay with me.
This wasn't what I'd planned.
I wish somehow to tell you,
How empty I now feel.
A part of me went with you,
A part that time can't heal.
I wish I'd once more hear you,
in your softly, soothing snore,
to hold you in my arms again
and stroke your soft, black fur.
I wish I had you back again,
to fill this empty space.
But one day we'll be together
in a far, far better place.

Thats one teed off ball.....

Sunday, May 14, 2006

Thats one teed off ball

Current mood: amused

Mouse got this fun little gem at a yard sale. Its like a snow globe but instead of snow, there is a plastic baseball that you have to float up on to a golf tee. Easier said than done.

So here I sit for hours when I go there and I get so close but the ball always rolls off. It never actually stays on there. Pisses me off, thats what it does. So I put it down and go do something else.

Wouldnt you know it though, it sits there on the table and stares at me. Daring me to come pick it up again. Calling to me to play on my innocence. So I go and I pick it up and try it for another hour or so.

One of these days, Im going to throw it and smash it but decide that I cant do that because its not mine. Hmmm... Maybe if I offer to buy it from him and then I can smash it. Nope. Im not that mean. So once again, I put it down.

A couple of weeks go by that I havent touched it. Im sure its feeling pretty left out. Well it wasnt being nice to me so why would I want to play with it? Its just a ball right? Hardly.
Saturday I make my appearance again and wouldnt you know it, its out on the deck calling my name. Again and again it calls out for me to come play. I yell out that I dont want to play with your ball but it doesnt listen. Yep, sure enough, I walk over and pick it up and start the routine of shaking it just right to try to get the ball up on the tee. And yep, sure enough, it rolls off the other side and laughs at me. Taunts me, if you will.

So I put it back down and swear that I will never touch it again. Well Saturday we had alot of company at the camp and one happened to be Mouse's son Bob. Hes just sitting there by the fire with nothing better to do. So I go over to the ball and I point that out. The ball is now calling to Bob. Over and over it calls. Bob gets up and picks up the globe and starts playing with it.

He gets this routine down and Im giggling because I know the addiction of trying to win at it. Also the fact that hes getting crosseyed and about to whack himself in the forehead with it. Its how you flip it that gets the ball to roll lightly upward toward the tee. And he is flipping it towards his face. Yes, Im amused.

Well son of a cow, wouldnt you know that after only one hour of potentially whacking himself with it, he gets it to stand up on the tee. And... it... stays... there. Well I will be damned. The ball prefers him over me. Bah.... I will never play with the ball again. You know I will but thats a secret.

So Mouse comes over to look at the achievement and asks that I take a picture of it. Ya know, just for proof in case someone asks. So I go get my camera. Mouse himself poses with the prize. Hey... Waidda minute. Mouse didnt get the ball to stand up on the tee, his son did. Well if that aint cheatin'.... So I take the picture anyway because it was cool to see that this could actually be done.

But during dinner, the railing got bumped and the ball fell off. Not a big deal considering that I have the proof on my camera that shows it was really up there. So it once again calls out to be played with. And once again Bob picks it up and plays with it for about a half an hour or so. He put it down a few times but it kept calling to him. And he kept picking it up.

Well wouldnt you know it, he gets it up there again. Damnit. I played with this thing for days and couldnt get the ball up on the tee. And he only plays with it for a few hours and up it goes. Well this time I got a picture of him with the ball so we know who really did it.

But we told Mouse that I only had room in the camera for just one picture of it and that I had to delete his. He he he.... Dont worry Mouse, I have both pictures there. Just so you can remember what it looks like when I throw it. He he he....

Note: I tried with all my might to keep this clean and the wording specific. But I know some of you are thinking of really good jokes of me playing with a ball and almost whacking my head with it. Or whacking it off or up or down or which ever direction it goes in. Im innocent this time. Im innocent damnit. Innocent!!! Its not what you think it is. I swear. Yeah, like that helps you guys and your minds.

Mommy Day

Sunday, May 14, 2006

Mommy Day

Current mood: amused

I spent Saturday with my mom at the camp. I stopped at a garden center on the way down to get her the most beautiful hanging basket I could find. Even if it did cost me $30. I found one I liked and carted it to the register. OMG it weighed in at about 40lbs. Looks great hanging on the deck though. But we had to have it on the corner because if we hung it where it should have gone, you wouldnt be able to see any passing cars. Yeah it is that big. Plus mom also made it a point to let everyone know that I would whine about the bees being too close to me. Sheesh. Well yeah its true. I do whine about the bees. But only because I am allergic to them. Wait....she is too. Whats her beef? She would have been whinning too. Thanks mom.

It was a nice day overall but the flooding was unreal. Poor Mousie had lake front property added to his lake front property. If he wanted a pool we could have installed one. We pulled up and there he was with his son digging trenches to empty out Lake Mousie. It floods there every year.

We have this dog that hangs around the park and its a small blessing for me because I really miss mine. This dog is a huge black lab that is so darn sweet. He ended up on the seat of the golf cart and slept for about 2 hours. Covered it in mud. Mouse decided that he needed this cart to get across the lake and had to clean up after the dog. Off he goes with my daughter and they then try to lose the dog in the mean time.

Around and around they go with the dog chasing him. He prolly would have lost him sooner if it werent for the little scream of "Mousie, hes still following us". So he drives up close to a tree and the dog stops and sidesteps the tree. Smart dog. Even smarter than a Mouse. He he he....

Well they pass a mother and little girl walking and the dog stops to be petted so they take off like a bat out of hell and leave him there. About a half hour later, a cart comes down our road and wouldnt you know it, the dog is close behind. He then sees my moms cart and up he goes and lays down. Back to sleep and covered in mud. He knows where the best place to sleep is. Truthfully, I think he likes the attention he gets at our site.

So we are all freezing our asses off and gathered around the fire. Mouse's son and daughter in law were down for the weekend from Vermont. His other son and his wife camp there too and they came to visit. Plus his daughter and her husband were there as well. It was a great time and we had fun all chatting around the fire.

My daughter wanted smoores but we had put copper in the fire to make the colors come out and she was whinning up a storm because we promised her that she could have some. So here is Mouse fishing out the wire so that she can make them. Now shes happy. Ahhh the little things to amuse a child. And all it takes is a Mouse to make her happy. He will do anything to please his little precious pumpkin. HA!!! Wait til he has to spend all summer with her. Thats ok because hes the one that got her a new fishing pole and a new little remote control boat to play with on the lake and he has a remote control jetski for him to play with. Im thinking he wont be complaining at all.

So here she is eating the smoores and I noticed that there is blood coming out of her mouth. OMG Im freaking out. What could possibly be in a smoore that would cause her mouth to bleed? Well whaddya know, its her front tooth that has been loose since October. There is another tooth pushing it out but it wont let go. So her dad offers her $5 to pull it out herself. Well what child in her right mind would say no to that? So she puts down her stick and yanks on it. She yanks and yanks and it wont come out.

He takes a cloth and pulls on it for her. Mind you that she is clinging tightly to that $5 bill. She wont let that go. Shes not that stupid. PING...out it comes and she just stands there stunned. We all cheer her on and she turns and smiles. Somewhere in the mix of chocolate, cracker, marshmallow and blood is a hole in her mouth. Shes so proud that she puts her tongue in it and laughs. How evil can this child be? The first thing she says is, "Now I can spit even farther with the two teeth missing." Oh the joy of that lesson learned.

She cleans her mouth out and comes back outside. Shes so excited that she runs over to grab her stick and asks for more chocolate and marshmallow. She has no use for the crackers now. She got a taste of the good stuff.

All in all it was a pretty darn good day for everyone. Mom had fun and she loves her flowers. I will bring more down next week because that is a big thing for us there. We have flowers hanging everywhere and it makes it so nice there. Along with all the things hanging and stuck in the ground too. Between the hummingbird feeders, the whirlythingys on rods stuck in the ground and the spinner and windchimes hanging on the deck, the flowers add a nice touch to our crazy place we call our summer home.

All that Glitters Isnt Gold....

All that glitters is not gold.

Current mood: amused

Since I was up all night the night before and last night, I really didnt want to go and deal with a Vac-in-the-box. But I know I must do what I have to do. Plus my darling daughter didnt sleep either due to a very loose tooth that is giving her a hell of a time. You would think she woud let me do the ole tie it to a door trick but no such luck.

So off we go to my fathers to put that thing together. Mind you that putting together a vac is very easy but not so when you have someone leaning over your shoulder pestering the hell out of you. And no we arent talking about my daughter.

How amusing can this be? Extremely. After all the bugging me to see if Im doing it right was over, I proceded to plug the new toy in. And of course it works.

So I am using it in the livingroom and he is bent over in front of it watching the dirt get sucked up in and swirling around and around. If that wasnt funny enough, he kept pointing at it and telling me what it was doing.

Enough with the fun and games for today though because now he wants to go get something to eat. You know how much fun that can be.

After that we once again head into the store and Cami is set on getting another toy. Grandpa likes to spoil her because I think he has this sick agenda to annoy me with having too many toys in my house to step on and clean up. At least they arent the kind that are really loud and move all over the floors. Im sure thats the next step.

So she picks out a new Barbie. Harmless enough. Yeah right. Its a Bling Bling My Scene one. Covered in everything glittery. Very pretty doll but after opening it, I really hate it. Who in their right mind puts these things together in the boxes? You have got to be kidding. Here I am sitting at my desk with a pair of scissors trying to cut all the little pieces from the super industrial strength tape, twisty ties and rubber bands. In the mean time, the thing is shedding glitter like its a snow storm in Buffalo.

Shes happy with her new doll and Im glowing and covered with glitter. Its in my hair and all over my hands and face. Not to mention my clothes and my desk. My keyboard is all sparkly too.

Now not only did I have to take this thing apart and rip the box to shreds so she can play with it but I also have to help her with all those teeny tiny accessories. It comes with a couple of purses and lipstick and make up cases. A cell phone, sunglasses and gawd knows what else.

She wants me to help her dress it and you wouldnt believe how hard this is. How is a child supposed to do this when I cant. Yeah, go ahead and laugh. Im sending one to you for Christmas. Now Im covered in glitter. Shes covered and so is my entire room now. Shes covered in it too. Oh will you look at the cat now. Yep, this is going to be an interesting evening to be sure.

Wish I had that vac-in-the-box here to clean it all up.

Things that suck.....

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Things that suck.

What a wonderful topic huh? Yeah I know what you all are thinking. Get your minds out of the gutter and take mine with you please. Todays post has nothing to do with that but I degress. ;o)

I woke up this morning feeling happy and refreshed. It was a fun drive home last night in the ice and slippery roads but thats ok. I wasnt complaining at all. Nope. But I was in a great mood this morning til I got a phone call from my father.

So here I am, fresh from the shower (yeah that again) with one of those things in my mouth. (yeah that again) And the phone rings. On the other end I hear the words, "Get over here and clean the place will ya?" Oh the joy. Its not a bad thing to do. Really it isnt. I just didnt want to do it today.

So I get ready and head out to the kitchen. Well someone else is up because there are 4 cookies missing from the plate. Hmmmm.... I wonder where they went to. Note: That isnt a question. I know I will find out soon enough.

Sure enough, she comes bouncing into the kitchen in all her chocolate faced glory. Wired to the ceiling. Yep, this is going to be a great day.

While getting ready, she decides to turn the TV on. Not a good thing to be doing right now. I tell her to get her shoes on and all I get in response was that the Doodle Bops were on and she isnt going. It was like trying to dress a burlap bag full of snakes. Oh, is there a difference?
We get over there and do the routine. The thing I hate the most is the vacumn cleaner. I really hate the one he has. Its a small canister one with a 20 foot hose on it. The hose always pops off and the brush head is so tiny. Now how the hell am I supposed to actually get this thing to suck anything up? I use it on the kitchen and bathroom floors. No problem on bare floors.

But he has a few friends that like to hang around. Literally. And you know how much fun I can have with those. Except I have never seen these friends. They dont like to come out in the open. Its amusing though. If you look on the floor under the base cabinets in the kitchen you will find all kinds of little dead critters. At least his friends keep a tidy house. They catch the bugs and suck them dry. Then they put them on the kitchen floor to be cleaned up by me. How nice of them. Room service. But that says nothing for the giant red things with a thousand legs that like to come visit. They are about 3 inches long and just scary as all hell. My father is amusing at times. He really is. He sprays them and puts them in the letter shredder. Dont even think I am going to empty that basket for him.

So I get the kitchen cleaned and mopped and move on to the bathroom. I will leave all the gory details out of that just in case you are eating lunch or something. Now comes the cleaning of the livingroom. I once again have to use this thing he wants to call a vacumn. Its not doing a damn thing. So I suggest that he go out and buy a real one. Well holy bazzooka batman, that was a dumb thing to do.

So we all get in my car and head to the mall. Now mind you that he has to stop and get something for lunch. Ok, Im game. We stop into a restaurant and we order. He is the most impatient man I have ever known and hes very vocal about it. Im used to it though.

Now hes happy and full so we can move on our merry way to get a real vacumn cleaner. Im shocked and stunned that he should want to go to Kmart. Usually he shops at Sears because even if its the same thing elsewhere, its going to be a better thing because it cost more and it came from Sears. Beats the hell out of me but thats the way its always been. Before that it was always MonkeyWards.

We make our way to the aisle where they have vacumn cleaners. All the while Im getting picked at and poked at by a six year old complaining that we are not in the vicinity of the toy aisles.

Well hell, they would have to have a selection of more than one on display now wouldnt they. So here he is taking them all apart like he has never seen one of these before. Wait, come to think of it, I dont think he has. Before that rinky dinky thing he has now, there was a shop vac to use. And before that was a machine that I would like to think was something out of the dark ages. Cloth wrapped cord and all.

So now he settles himself on one that I think is a decent pick. Oh wait, he hasnt heard of bagless ones yet. Oh crap. Here it comes. Now try to explain the difference in plain English what that means. Yep thats the ticket. Filters. Now mind you, why in hells creation, and yes I am in hell, would they sell parts to things that they dont even have the models for?

So I explain to him that he can pick the one up that he needs, should he need an extra one, at Sears Hardware. Whoo hoo!! I scored a grin on that one.

So now I have a new vacumn cleaner in a box and moving up to the front of the store. He decided that there are other things he needs to get so he will meet me at the register. I have a few things that I too need to get. I agree on the plan. So I head towards the health and beauty aisles. And of course that goes right past the toy aisles. Oh joy. She runs off and grabs a Littlest Pet Shops toy and is happy. Well that was quick. At least one thing went right today.

I get to the aisles I need because there is one thing that I need to pick up. Wax. Yeah yeah yeah, I know what you all are thinking. Actually this is eyebrow wax but I will tell you all about that someday too. Very interesting tale to be sure.

Now we are at the register. I put everything up on the counter and I look back and what do I see? A Sears credit card. I completely forgot about the fact that Sears bought out Kmart. I should be surprised huh? He pays for everything at Kmart with a Sears card because why? Thats right kiddies. Its owned by Sears now. HA!!

I dropped him off at his apartment and carried the box inside. Can you guess what Im doing tomorrow? I get to put this thing together and actually attempt to use it. Im sure I will have something good to post up about how to read insturctions on an electrical appliance. May the force be with me. Or that I dont blow a fuse. ;o)

Lotsa Lotsa Lotsa Legs

Saturday, April 08, 2006

Lotsa Lotsa Lotsa Legs

Current mood: blank

Remember these things when you were a kid? I loved them. I think the only bugs I really like are the ones you can buy in a store that are cute and stuffed with poly-fil.

I also love Glow-worms but thats a whole 'nuther story. Or should I just say something that "glows". *coughDopecough* 'nuf said.

Anywho, what made me think of that was the other morning I was sitting out in the hall with one of the kids and I had to calm and soothe him to be able to bring him back into the class.
So here we sit in the hall and we are talking about things he likes and he mentions that he hates bugs. I hate bugs too. Well we all know about "godzilla". Havent seen any of his friends lately. Thats a good thing though.

Well he starts to calm down and then he looks at me with the face of horror. I go into a slight panic but mask it really quick so he doesnt panic too. To my surprise, I get to introduce you to yet another friend. I looked down at my hand and holy bejeezes what the hell is that!!!!
http://www.uky.edu/Ag/Entomology/entfacts/images/hsepede.jpg

Its on the back of my hand!! What the hell do I do now? I cant panic in front of this kid who is scared of bugs too. I try to act all cool about it and I get to my feet. In the process I fling the big hairy sasquach down the hall and procede to do a drop kick on it. You think this thing would die? Oh, hell no. Im thinking that Godzilla sent him to open a can of whoop-ass on me for sending him down with a plunger.

Well the kid gets up and chases it and he tries to step on it too but his little shoe is no match for Mr. Ihaveamillionlegsbutyoucanttellwhichendismyass so he decides that its suddenly cool to look at. He then picks it up and starts to run back to the classroom with it. In the mean time, I cant breathe and Im near passing out. I cant let him in the door because then all the kids are going to freak and scream. Well the girls sure would anyways. Maybe a couple of the boys too. But thats not what the point is. I just dont want that thing anywhere near me, alive or dead.

So I stopped him and made him drop it on the floor. Boy was he pissed at me now and so was the kid. Needless to say, it ended up slithering away and found a hole in the wall and disappeared. Probably to go tell all his friends about me and will regroup to come again to kick my ass later.

Well I think he did just that because not even 15 minutes later I was back in the class and one of the girls was staring at me with a look of horror. These kids are all getting good at that.
She looks up and Im almost afraid to look in that direction too. Almost. I really should have taken that look seriously though. Dummy me actually looks. Well damnit, wouldnt you know it. He sent Godzilla to come and do his dirty work for him.

About 4 inches above my head is a friggin' wood spider. Im glad Im quick to the draw and I duck out just in time. But with the laws of physics, that quick movement also caused a slight pulse of air that also made him move too. Well jeeze you would think I could get away from him, but nooooooo, he had to come with me to the tea party.

Smart spider that he is though, he went scurrying back up his web and ended up losing his footing. Well some spider you are. Nah-nah... He dropped to the floor and I proceded to introduce him to the bottom of my shoe. Im sure they made a perfect pair. Oh bad pun but it wasnt meant to be that. I just thought of it after I typed it and Im too lazy tonight to change it.
This on the other hand caused all the kids to gather around the freak show to see what I had. Do you honestly think Im going to move my foot and have one of them pick it up and run around with it? Nuh uh!!

So there I stood with my foot firmy planted on the crunchy but squooshy eight-legged freak that has now taken up residence under my shoe and trying to get 18 5 year olds to go sit down. Imagine that task. Not easily done.

I did have one go get me a roll or paper towels to clean up the mess. Brave little boy that he was. He got the towels and proceded to throw them at me and run like hell back to his seat. Smart. Wish I could do that. But noooo, I have to wipe up that mess and pretend to not want to scream and run like a little girl. Oh wait. I am a little girl. Well I guess its ok then.

Lesson Learned number 4879... Rule of Thumb

Monday, March 27, 2006

Lesson learned number 4879 Rule Of Thumb

Current mood: In pain

During the late afternoon at school I have some work in the classroom after the kids get on the buses to go home. Well the latest project is a board outside the classroom door that the kids are coloring things to decorate. The theme is Spring and the there are green leaves, flowers and kites that they made. Well today at 3:30 I was out there with a few items and a stapler to finish that all up.

Wouldnt you know it that both staplers were empty so I went in and grabbed a refill and back out I go. Now I have the refill in and ready to test it to make sure it worked. Just as I picked it up and had it opened with my hand around it, the fire alarm went off.

I nearly jumped out of my skin because the speaker is right above my head and guess what happened next?

Yup, you guessed it. I gripped the stapler and, WHAM, a staple went right through my thumb. It didnt just poke me but it went right in below the skin. Now mind you that this is not a fire drill but the real alarm going off, so I grabbed my coat and went outside. Bleeding too.

Thankfully there were alot of firemen moving about so one of them was nice enough to get out a medical kit and pull the staple out of my thumb and put some cream on it and a bandaid. He said that if it gets swollen and red that I need to have it looked at and it may require stitches.
A friggin staple. And it hurts like hell. Of all the things I tell the kids not to do. And Im the one that has it happen to me.

But the guy was cute.

Inflation in Fairy Land

Saturday, March 18, 2006

Inflation in Fairy Land

Current mood: nostalgic

Well my daughter lost a tooth the other day. It was very loose for a couple of weeks and I thought that sucker would never come out. The reason I say this is because she has had a loose one since October that just refuses to budge.

When she lost her first tooth it was the greatest thing. I went bonkers trying to find it. You would think she would have noticed it but she didnt. She woke up in the middle of the night and it just so happened to be gone. Well I did find that one two days later after combing the carpets. You bet your ass that Im getting that first tooth. :o)

The second one was never found. She was laying on the living room floor and I had been cutting styrofoam for something and it looked like it snowed in there. And thats when she decided to tell me that her tooth is missing. Good Gawd I went and pinched every damn piece of styrofoam and the tooth was never found. I think she swallowed that one. And no, I was not about to check the other end for it.

The third was a top tooth and that was lost in the school somewhere between the hours of 9am to 11am. Im sure it bounced out of her mouth in the Gym. But with her, ya never know. I told her that morning to keep her mouth closed til she lost the tooth. Hey, miracles can happen. But not on that day they didnt.

Then she lost a tiny one on top that just never grew back in. Good thing too because that would have made her teeth crooked. The other loose one she has now is the other tiny one that is also a useless one that wont grow back in.

She did lose her other top front tooth but the tooth fairy was able to snatch that one right up. The others she had to find for me because I for damn sure wasnt going to crawl in the halls at school looking for one tiny tooth on the marbled floor. What do you think Im crazy? Well I am, but Im not stupid.

Do you remember losing a tooth when you were a kid? I remember that all too well. My brother would tie a string around it and then to a door knob and slam the door when I was ready. Once I remember landing on the floor with the tooth still firmly implanted in my mouth. Nice work Jon. HA!! It didnt. Once another brother, Jim, attatched a string to it and wrapped it around a book and dropped it on the floor. That one worked and alsoo scared the bejeezes out of me.

Well I have tried these tricks on her but I guess I just wasnt good at it. Either that or her teeth are anchored in concrete.

Also I never got to put the tooth under my pillow. We had this strange lamp that had an oriental chick with a black cat. There was a sort of pocket between them and mom would make me put the tooth in there. Did she think I was going to try to reattach it in the middle of the night? Not likely. Especially after what I went through trying to get rid of it. And the money was always found in that pocket.

My daughter isnt allowed to put it under her pillow either because she will just play with the envelope and wait up for someone to give her money for it. So I keep the tooth and promise her that when she falls asleep, I will slip the envelope under her pillow for the Tooth Fairy to come. Mind you that she lost this particular tooth two days ago and it went under her pillow tonight. This kid doesnt sleep. I swear shes more like me than I realized. Well she passed out tonight at 9 so I thought it was a good as time as any to pull this event off.

Now mind you that when I was a kid, I got either a quarter for the front teeth and two quarters for the back teeth. Fair deal when I was a kid right? I got to go to the local market and buy some candy so I could rot my teeth some more to get more quarters. See? I was somewhat smart then.

This brings us now to the years 2005 and 2006. Damn inflation gets ya in the rear every time. Teeth are so expensive now. Wish I was a kid now because the Tooth Fairy is paying $2 bucks at a pop. Id like to see what she pays for the back teeth. Damn she must be making mucho moolah to be able to spend like that.

Well my daughter woke up at 11pm tonight and saw the money under her pillow. She was all excited that the Tooth Fairy finally came to see her and then she went potty. Probably from all that excitement. Or she just drank too much water before she went to bed.

Then of all things she put the money back under her pillow and went back to sleep. Knowing her, shes probably thinking that by morning it will double.

By the way, what does the Tooth Fairy do with all these teeth? Im almost too scared to find out. Almost.

Smells like Menthol.

Saturday, March 11, 2006

Smells like menthol

Current mood: amused

A while back I posted at my board that my washing maschine broke. Not an interesting topic you say? We shall see.

First of all, let me describe to you my set up. My washing machine is in my kitchen right next to a full sized window that runs ceiling to floor and on the other side is my stove. My dryer used to be on my enclosed back porch but it froze up during the winter once and had to be moved inside. Now the problem of where to put the vent hose arrises. Needless to say that a board was placed over the window and a hole set up for the vent hose. This also keeps out the draft too.

Well my washing machine decided to quit working right. Everything was fine but the spin cycles. I know, I know, there are a dozen jokes out there. LOLOL It was funny because Who45 sent me a card that was absolutely hilarious. It showed a chick on a washing machine that said, "OHHH... Spin it you little monkey... Yes... Yes... YESSSS!!!"

Then I got a Bad Taste Bear of a bear wearing a pink bra and panties on top of a washing machine while sitting on a saddle. Yeah it was amusing enough. It sits on my desk next to my computer. But its not nearly as funny as the one I sent to LB of a bear with purple panties on his head.

I think the more amusing part was that my washing machine was not able to be fixed so a new one was finally purchased a couple of months later. Yeah, a couple of months of the laundromat. Bah!!

Now comes the fun part. No sooner is the new machine in place that the dryer decided to start thumping. Now Im sure you all get the impression that I went from the washing machine to the dryer and knocked it off its tracks. Well thats not true. None of this was my fault. I swear. Oh wait, I dont swear. Oh hell, never mind.

Anyways, I took the top off the dryer and the barrel was off the track so it was easy enough to fix. But there comes another problem. The dryer no longer heats up. Damn, not again. Come to find out, a bird, or birds I should say, made nests in the vent hose almost all the way up to the dryer itself. Sheesh, I now have birds flying around that smell April Fresh. Well I take the hose out and I ended up having to throw it away. Yeah it was a fun moment picking up all the baby birds that ended up on my kitchen floor too. You should have seen the mess when I took the air conditioner out of that window to put the board up. But I dont complain too much because the birds keep the bees away from my house.

So now why do you think Im writing about this? Well tonight I was having a convo with Who and it made me think of all this. Because her washing machine did the exact same thing. But with different results. Hers caught on fire. He he he... Im thinking she has some explaining to do too.

BC: Its funny as hell when you think that we both broke our washing machines
WHO: lmao I know....good thing we didn't have to fill out a report on why we think it broke....hey mine even went and smoked afterwards,lol
BC: I just choked on a piece of cheese
WHO: lmao
BC: Was it a menthol or light?
WHO: smelled like menthol
BC: I cant type Im laughing my ass off
WHO: lol
WHO: if the man asked what happen I should have just said it gave all it had and overheated
BC: HAHAHAHA
WHO: the new washer has a timed spin cycle
BC: Mine wouldnt go into the spin cycle anymore
WHO: lmao
BC: COOL he he he Timed
BC: It worked but when it was to drain and spin, it just sat there and clicked
WHO: cause it was all given out
BC: Then it was right after that the dryer thumped
WHO: lmao
WHO: a hump....I mean thump
BC: LMAO
BC: Put the coffee away and save it for when Maz gets here
WHO: lmao
WHO: ok
WHO: *innocent*
BC: Oh no you are not and you pointed the finger at me
WHO: oh wait its trademarked now so I have to say BC *innocent*
WHO: lmao
BC: HAAHAHAHAHAHA
BC: R *innocent*
WHO: *snort*
BC: Or is it *innocent* TM
BC: I cant do the little copyright symbol
WHO: *innocent* TMBC
BC: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Im not drinking coffee either. Crazy stuff that is.

Not for the timid.

Friday, February 10, 2006

Not for the timid.

Current mood: determined

I have a small problem with my bathroom. Yes the room itself is extremely small but thats not the issue this time.

I live in an old house and we have eight legged things that think they can live here too. I have electronic sensors everywhere to drive them away but they seem to really love my bathroom. Every morning they hang out in the corner til I wake up and step into the shower. Then they decide to go across the ceiling for a better view. Do they sell little tickets for this? If so you would think Id at least be getting a daily cut of the profits. Its a pain in the ass to take a shower while straining my neck to the ceiling the entire time waiting for one of them to drop in for a closer look.

So this morning I come in as usual and I begin my daily routine. And sure enough, there is a little one in the corner hiding and getting ready for a peep show. I no sooner get my teeth brushed and begin the next step in my routine and son-of-a-cow out of a crack in the corner comes godzilla! Im glad I was already sitting down or there would have been a mess.

No how am I supposed to take a shower with this one? This one is huge and can run off with me. Well not that I would let him. But I needed something to get rid of him. But what? A can of hairspray isnt going to do anything to this one but make him drop anyway. Thats something I dont want it to do. So in my haste, I grab the nearest large object and it just so happens to be the plunger. One of those black ones that have a weird looking tube on the end and I wave it up towards the ceiling. I give him a direct hit and low and behold he goes jumping inside it. Mind you he is about the size of a 50 cent piece. Almost as big as my thumb. So I dropped the plunger into the shower and turn the water on. He comes out the end and hits the water flow and heads for the drain.

Well hell, the water in the drain starts to build up because there is a screen blocking him from going down. Now I have a plunger and godzilla in the tub. You think he would at least drown? No such luck. Now how the hell am I going to get him out of my tub? Being that my bathroom is very small, I turned around and flipped the lid up on the toilet. I grab for the plunger and scoop him up in it and as quick as I can I jam the plunger into the toilet and flush.

Bye-bye he goes. Round and round. Now I look for the other little one and he is gone too. Scared? Hiding and waiting for the peep show? No such luck on the cut this morning buddy. He was no where to be seen. Im sure he will make an appearance tomorrow though. He got his money's worth for the show today.

It's a beautiful day in the hood.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Its a beautiful day in the hood.

Current mood: amused


Its a beautiful day in the hood. Its currently 52 degrees outside. Bright and sunny with no wind. I started out the day as usual. 4 hours of sleep and a hot shower to wake me up. Blame JD. Its all his fault. LOLOL

I take the Caminator to school and then I head over to the HR Office to take care of all my paperwork. I have a new contract here to read over so that should take up at least 10 minutes of my time. I also need a physical. Cant the use the one I just recently had? Nope. I have to go and get poked all over again.

So now that is done and I head back here to chat on the boards and in here. I leave to go back to the school to pick up my PITA and we then head to my fathers house. He wants to go to lunch at the buffet. No problem. Wrong.... I pull into the parking lot and there are a few buses there. Crap, the place is full. Yep. There are about 200 screaming elementary kids in there. Not that it is a major thing. I deal with 3 times that many every day. But who in their right mind would bring that many kids to a buffet for a field trip? Its definately not from my school district because we arent that frelled in the head.

The highlight of the afternoon was when about 30 Red Hat ladies were at the register demanding an extra discount. You have got to be kidding me. They are wearing the most god-awful looking hats with huge feathers. Flourescent pink and electric purple clothes. They looked like the three musketteers in drag. Well if dressing like a pimp gets you some extra discount, then count me in.

So to my amusement, (which you all know can get the best of me) they are sitting all around nitpicking everything. Cami and I are sitting there giggling and she asks me why all these old ladies are dressed for the circus. My poor father is trying to maintain his composure due to the fact that he knows it will get Cami started. Amusing enough. He is having the time of his life watching all this going on. Well we finish and leave. Im almost expecting to find a few hot pink Caddys out in the parking lot. No such luck. Surprisingly, there was a pink Mary Kay van out there though. Hmmmmmm.....

Im debating on a little nap but I think I will finish up the list that Blenderhead wanted me to go through. 6000 entries and I still have about 2000 to go. Kick ass tunes. Im thinking he needs to help me wth some of these.

Smile....it makes people wonder what you are up to.

Sunday, February 19, 2006

Smile...it makes people wonder what you are up too.

Current mood: Entertained

As you all know, Im not a vane person. No, no, no, post counts dont count in here. LOLOL But anyways, I went out yesterday shopping and I wanted to get a couple of things. I am particular about my hair. And being that I havent had a haircut in well over a year, I like to make sure its well taken care of. So I got some new shampoo and conditioner. But this isnt what Im writing about. See what happens when I get off track?

So another thing that I decided to try is the whitening strips. First thing I would like to mention is these are not for the weak or the timid. If you cant handle the taste of peroxide or try to be able to hold alot of saliva in your mouth for a half an hour, please dont try this at home. This is a challenge that the weak cannot accomplish. I guess Im one of the strong because I didnt drool at all. Im good at this. No comments from the peanut gallery on that one. I know what you are thinking. But thats another thing I guess Im strong at but thats also another story.

So now here we are reading the instructions on the box. It goes on about how to put these things on and it even shows pictures. Easy enough. Riiiight. Trust me, these things dont stay like that for the whole 30 minutes. But if you are strong, you wont make a mess. Stop getting those kinds of thoughts in your head.

So now I read on about teeth sensitivity. No big deal. I can chew icecubes so thats not a major concern to me. No, no ,no.... those thoughts about ICE arent in this process either. For those of you that know what ICE means. LOLOL

Ok, now comes the true test. Actually using these things. Now you are probably thinking, why would I need them when I already have white teeth? Well, I would like them to be whiter. Im very conscious about my mouth. Dont ask me why but Im particular about hygiene. A clean mouth is very important. For social reasons of course. *smooch*

So I take the little packets out of the box and there are two kinds. One for the top and one for the bottom. So I put them in as instructed. Ok, this is going to be fun. So I clamp my jaw shut. Yeah I know, this is a hard task for me to do. *rolleyes* I know what you are thinking. So then I figure that I need to stay like this for 30 minutes. Yep, get out those calendars because this is going to be record.

I step into the shower and Im washing up. I know whats going through your mind. I do this daily so this is nothing new. So anyways, Im washing my hair and I have to lean my head back to rinse. I can feel the saliva in my mouth building up. Yeah, this is going to be fun. I lean forward to shave (yes I do that) and now the saliva has moved to the front of my mouth. But Im determined. My tongue is now starting to cramp because its pushed to the back of my mouth. Oh the hell with it. I cant let this happen. So I move it. Wow, that shot of peroxide hit me like a ton of bricks. My cheeks now look like a chipmonk. So I opened my mouth a little to breathe. That wasnt fun so I closed it quick.

Ten minutes later I am out of the shower and still with my mouth closed. So Im trying to do all those normal things I do every day after a shower and its just not happening. But Im determined to do this. The one thing I worry about is blowdrying my hair. I have to put my head upside down for this. The feeling I got from that is like drinking soda and having the carbonation hit the back of your nose. Not like spewing from reading the Join Me thread, but a whole new sensation. Not a pleasant one though.

Now the 30 minutes are up. Yay and I can take these out of my mouth. Ok, that wasnt pleasant either. Its like going to the dentist and after he is done working on your mouth, he tells you to rinse and spit. Now dont you tell me that you have never experienced this. The first thing that goes through my mind is Bill Cosby talking about that and his line was, "Oh look, a rainbow".

This is one thing that you need to do in the bathroom while alone. I know with most of my friends, they would have made me laugh by now and the whole process would have been a ruined mess. Probably funnier after that too but thats not the point.

So I rinse my mouth and yes there is a change in the brightness of my teeth. Im happy with the results. Now I read the box again and it says that I have to do this twice a day for 7 days. Are you frelling kidding me?

Silly Kids, Trix is for Rabbits

Monday, April 17, 2006

Silly Kids, Trix is for Rabbits

Due to my crappy weekend, I just wasnt in the mood to write anything good. Im really still not in the mood but I have to occupy my mellon somehow. I said mellon, not mellonssss. Get your minds out of the gutter and take mine with you. Dont forget to light a match.

Anywho, Saturday night after all was said and done, I just couldnt stay in the house. It was too painful to do so. So off to the mall we went. My daughter wanted to go to see the Easter Bunny. Mind you that this is a scary thing. What goes on inside that huge head? And that blank stare is enough to make you have nightmares. But this is the dude that lays rainbow eggs so who am I to complain. Quite a talent if you ask me.

So off my daughter runs to see this mythical creature. Oh and have you ever noticed that he changes colors every year? Anyways, she goes up and tells him her sad tales and then tells him that she promises to go to sleep early so he can come to bring her toys and junk. Yeah more and more junk for me to clean up after. Oh and we cant forget to bring candy. Yeah thats what I need. More junk and a wild child that crawls from room to room on the ceiling. And thats before she eats any of it.

So here we are standing there in front of a line of kids waiting to get their turn at the big headed bunny and she decides to play it really sweet. She gives him a hug and then introduces me. Yep... Come on mom and play it up for all the kiddies so you dont look like a total ass and say hi to the bunny. Ok, so I wave and laugh it off.

Now comes the part that shocks me. Yeah me, shocked. Can ya believe it? She tells me to give the bunny a hug. Are you kidding me? Well once again I cant look like the bad mom and walk away. So what do I do? I bow to my daughter for coming up with such a bright idea and I bend down to give the bunny a hug. In the process I felt something that I know I should not have felt. Ok, so Im not the only one that felt something because Mr. Imakidsfantasyfairytalefreakthatlayseggs honked my boob.

I was molested by the Easter Bunny!!! Well we all know that its not the real Easter Bunny but someone dressed in a costume. But still. This dude took the pleasure and honked me. He took a hell of a squeeze too. Not that you can avoid them but still. Not a brush by either. A full hand grabbing HONK.

So here I am getting felt up by some dude in a costume with three fingered gloves on and a huge head that I know he cant see out of and hes getting his kicks knowing that I cant make a huge scene in front of all the other kiddies. Hes having his fun.

At least I hope it was a he....

Either way, Im flattered.

Now wheres my candy, Bub!!!

What Happens Next?

Monday, April 17, 2006

What Happens Next?

Current mood: Devastated

Well today was a very crappy day. I dont mean for it to be a downer but to me it wasnt all that great.

Friday was very scary for me. I couldnt sleep because I knew what Saturday would bring. I spent the entire day cuddling my dog and just crying.

Saturday comes and my life just drains out of me. I dont know what to do or where to go. I wished that there was a way to stop it but I knew that would not have been the right thing to do. At 345 she got in the truck and they left. I completely lost it. I wanted to run after them and stop it but I couldnt.

At 515 the end happened. My life drained. I know it all sounds very dramatic but to me this was my soul. My sanity. My best friend. My heart. My pillow at night. The one that came to me when I cried and licked my tears away. The one that kissed me when I sneezed. The one that told me every day that she loved me. 11 years.

Last night I wandered around in a daze. I tried to sleep but that wasnt going to happen. I felt alone and the house was too quiet. No clicking of the nails on the floor. No thump on the stairs asking to be carried up. No twitch of a paw on the carpet when she was dreaming. No lapping of water from the dish outside my room. Nothing. Complete silence.

I got up about 330am and headed to the bathroom. She was dark colored so on the dark carpet, all you could see was her white paws. As many times as I have stumbled on her or felt with my foot, I always knew she would be laying right there in the middle of the floor. This time when I went in, I stepped over and stumbled anyways. Only thing though, she wasnt there. I ended up sitting there crying.

In the kitchen we put down carpet runners because the floor was too smooth for her to walk on and she slipped alot. Those are now gone. Most of the time I eat my dinner at my desk and she sits next to me and we share what ever I have. I keep looking and there isnt anyone there now. No one to share with.

This morning I removed her dishes from the kitchen and replaced them with the ones that my cat uses. Im in the habit of going there to fill them up and if there is nothing to fill then I cry. This way there is now something there. My cat is confused though.

Dinner today was very hard on me. I always sit at one end of the table because thats where she lays at dinner time. There was no nudge at my arm and I had no idea what to do with the scraps from my plate.

Im sitting here typing this out at almost 1am and Im scared to fall asleep. There is no one sleeping in my doorway or on my feet.

Im going to the camp tomorrow to see my mom and just to get out of the house. My daughter is having a hard time with this as well. I got a couple of fake mink pillows in black and I put a little of Holly's hair inside them. She is sleeping in her bed right now cuddling her pillow. I have mine on my bed waiting for me. Im hoping this will help me sleep. I doubt it though. Im used to hearing the breathing and feeling all the soft fur around me.

In a few days I will get a call to come pick up her ashes. Its a small comfort to me to somewhat have her back with me but its still not enough. This hurts beyond all reason. I know it will take some time but Im not sure Im ready to let go.

What happens tomorrow?

Completely Lost

Thursday, April 13, 2006

Completely lost

Current mood: Devastated

It all started on a cold night in late December 1984 in a trailer on Route 50 in Burnt Hills, NY. Jewels, a German Shepherd and Golden Retriever mix was in heat. Her companion, a black German Shepherd named Whiskey sensed this and before long, found himself locked behind a bedroom door until Jewels could be removed from the trailer. Poor Whiskey, this was torture to him. The two dogs have had two litters of pups before but their owner just could not bear to have more dogs running around in that small living space.

She also had a female dog from a previous litter of theirs and also a Doberman that she rescued. But that wasnt stopping Whiskey. At 98 lbs, he went through that luaan paneled door and hit the target when she wasnt home.

On Febuary 28, 1985, I received a call to come to her home. Jewels was in labor. I arrived after two puppies were already brought forth into this world and awaiting for more to show up. A few hours later, eleven puppies total made their way to nurse at their mother. Oh so cute.

Jewels was all tan with a white belly and paws. Whiskey was all black with some tan and sable markings of a German Shepherd. The puppies were either tan or black with a mix of the white in all of them. There was one all black female though.

They were so adorable and I was very glad to have been a part of their birth. I loved them all. Two of which were born with white tips on their tails. One a tan male and the other a black female with tan and sable markings. Both had all white bellies.

A week later, I returned to see the bouncing balls of fur and was able to cuddle with them. Another week later, they were whining and playful. I had them all with me and I was loving every one of them. But one wiggled out from the rest and sat by herself and barked at me. She was the black one with the white tip on her tail. Instantly, I fell in love with her and I gave her a name. I claimed her as my own and in a few weeks, she would come home with me.

But that was not to be the case. Jewels escaped her yard and was hit by a car and didnt make it. So the puppies were all weaned very quickly. The next day, a friend of mine went to go pick up my sweet little puppy for me, but he came home with two of them. He also brought home the tan male with the white tip on his tail. So at just over three weeks old, I became their new mom.

For the next 3 months, I slept on the kitchen floor along side my new babies because I couldnt bear to listen to them cry at night. At eight weeks of age they were both completely house broken though. After the three months, however, they both slept with me in my bed.
Their size increased over the next six months. The male was nearly twice the size of the female. Ceasar became a big dog. And I do mean big. He couldnt sleep in the chair anymore. He couldnt even fit his ass in it now. Holly always slept on the couch. These were my babies and I took them where ever I went. Besides work. Kris took them with him to where he worked though. These dogs were never left alone.

Age 2 and Kris and I were no longer with each other. Ceasar went to live with him and Holly stayed with me.

She has been my soul mate and my true sanity for the past eleven years. She has been my pillow at night. Now she cant make it up on the bed. Its so hard for her to climb the stairs and for the past few days, shes been having accidents in the house. She cries about this and she thinks she did something wrong. I assured her that she didnt. I have done nothing but hug her and cuddle her on the floor. I have helped her up the stairs and down. I have held her while she cried because it was hard for her to stand up sometimes. At 130lbs, this was no easy task for her nor I.

She is my other half. She is my baby. Im going to be lost without her. You have no idea how much pain this is causing me. I have sat down with my daughter and we talked about this. She too is in total devastation but she understands what is about to happen. We have decided that since we have the week off from school, we will make a scrapbook of Holly.

I am an emotional trainwreck but I have to keep my wits about me. Holly is laying on my feet right now and that is something that Im going to be totally lost without.

Saturday morning is her appointment. I will not be going to this appointment as it will completely crush me. But I have all my wishes and arrangements made.

This weekend and for the most part, the rest of my life, a part of me will be lost. But I have alot of very fond and happy memories of my one true heart.

Where once she was a little bouncy ball of fur, now she can barely walk... She will once again be able to run and play like she used to.

She will take my heart with her.

I love you Holly. You have given me so much. You will always be a part of me. You are my heart forever.

Head of the Class....

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Head of the Class..... Current mood: amused

I couldnt resist a topic like this. Whosie posted about her class and we got to talking about teachers in general. I refer to it as herding hamsters though. When you get into the higher grades, it becomes herding cats. Now if you come to think of it, all your great doctors and lawyers and what ever the profession may be, they were all tought by someone smarter than they are. The teacher. But do we make that kind of a paycheck? Hell no we dont.

So now I bring you to the following conversation. And yes, they do let us teach small children and we get paid for it.

Who: yeah I had to keep refreshing to post there
BC: We posted the same thought at the same time
Who: lmao
Who: well you know what they say about great minds lmao....ooooooooo they will all so be introuble in June,lol
BC: HAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
BC: See you can be a smart cookie in life but it took a teacher to get you there.
Who: LOL
BC: Thats why I always said that if I needed brain surgery I want a professor at the college to do it
Who: LOL yep
BC: Someone had to teach the doctors
Who: curious to see if Maz see those comments lmao......yep exactly teahcers
Who: erm make that teachers
Who: lol
BC: Pretty bad when you cant spell it right
Who: I know lmao
Who: but hey, I'm a legend for mt typos
BC: SPEW
Who: crap see,lol
Who: there is no mt typos....well there are mt as in mountains but they are on me,lol
Who: :P
BC: ROLLIN

When the cat's away....

I know I havent been posting too much of my own stuff lately. Please excuse the lack of ambition due to illness. No I didnt go crazy and tear all my hair out. Its all still there.
Ive been sick with a severe sinus infection and bronchitis. Yeah thats a bitch huh? Finally get over that and then get a sour tummy for a few days.

Ive pretty much been off in another world since my dog passed away. Its been hard but Ive been trying to cope the best I can. My cat drives me to distraction but shes been a huge help to me as far as furry friends go. No Im not talking about my bearded friends. But I can thank them as well as the rest of my dearest friends for helping me through this. Its going to be a long time before I get over the pain of losing her.

Anywho... back to the topic at hand.... my cat...

She came to live with me in October. She just turned three years old the month before. I know this because I have some of her previous vet records.

Im very choosy when it comes to my pets. I claim them as soul mates. Weird I know but I tend to have this strange connection to the animal kingdom. Hey.. some of my closest friends are animals too. I could name names but they know who they are. *coughallofyouoryouwouldntbelovedbymecough* He he he...

When I connected with Holly, it was the night she was born but we went through that little tale...or tail...as I should say. For my kitty, it was the same thing. I wanted another pet for my daughter and thought a playful cat would be good for her. Something as active as she is. It was a few years before one connected with me though. I had taken Holly to get groomed and at the place I take her, on the way out the door I stopped, as usual, to look at the kitties that are up for adoption. On this particular day, one struck me curious and I inquired about her. Her name was Charlotte. I held her and we connected immediately. I signed the papers and brought her home. I then changed her name to Sara because Im sure my Aunt Charlotte would have appreciated a cat named after her. No, actually she wouldnt have. In all reality my daughter named her after one of Barbie's cats. Hey, its her cat after all. And it was better than Sarafina. Ick....

She settled in fairly well. Except she didnt know what to make of Holly as shes never seen a dog before. So she pretty much hung out in my room with me. Eventually they got along fairly well and although Holly really had no interest in her, other than the fact that she couldnt understand why the cat didnt like her, the cat was very curious towards her. But over all they lived peacefully together. No fur flew unless Holly caught her near her food.

Now I bring you to the here and now. Losing Holly was a major blow to me and kittie has helped me a bit. Shes been sleeping with me all this time and she has this idea that she prefers to sleep ON me. Yeah nothing like some sharp nails sticking in your back in the middle of the night. Since Holly has been gone though, shes been so far up my ass its unreal. She followed me around before but now shes a permanent attachement. Shes sweet though and has this thing about coming to me to be petted and when I do she nips and licks my hand. Once is a while she does this to my chin but I dont like her to be in my face. She is affectionate and lovey-dovey. Her previous owners were an elderly couple that probably held her all day and petted her. It was her and her sister there and her sister was adopted the morning I adopted her.

I cant go to the bathroom without the cat following me in. If I close the door she sits there meowing like its the end of the world and I see a paw reaching in from under the door. Damn cat is stalking me. When I take a shower I always leave the door open and she sits on the edge of the tub batting at the shower liner. One of these days Im going to dunk her in to see what happens. My luck she will claw the hell out of me. But then again, Godzilla and all his friends might enjoy that added bonus to the peep show.

Well shes turned into quite the mooch. As I type this shes sitting on the floor next to me and once in a while she meows. But shes always staring at me. Its such an innocent stare and we all know what happens when someone, shut up, claims to be innocent. She will then put one paw up on my leg and the other bats at my arm. Well what the hell do I look like, your servant? Yeah, so I get up and put a little bit of food in her dish to shut her up. I never feed her a normal daily helping because she will be back within the hour for more.

So here we are while I was sick. She would cuddle up with me and Im assuming it was to make me feel better. Either that or she was plotting something when I fell asleep. Which hardly happened. Sorry kitty for spoiling your evil plot to take over my pillows and rule my inner sanctuary of a bed.

Well a few times she would crawl up next to my face and I would bolt up and cough and poor kittie would leave her skin behind as she screached and scattered herself tearing out of the room. Served you right for sticking your whiskers in my nose while I slept.

She has this thing for mooching in the middle of the night and will come up on the bed and somehow bug the snot out of me. No pun intended but all last week thats pretty much what she was getting. Anywho, she gets in my face or lays on me in some way to annoy me awake. Last night I decided that she can wait til morning. After about 2 hours of that I was up and feeding her. Only this time it wasnt the food she wanted. It was to have her litter box cleaned.
Oh, I didnt tell you. Shes a pain in my ass about having a clean box. She will go in it and do her thing and then meow til someone cleans it out right away. Well not at 4 o'clock in the friggin morning!! Ok, so I get up and clean out the damn box. Im a sucker for punishment but I think of it this way... I get up and take a couple of minutes to please her so she will leave me alone for the next few hours I have left to sleep. Yeah, that works.

Last night, she had a clean box, food and fresh water. What more could she want? Well up she comes again. What the hell does she want this time? Im really getting pissed off now. I havent slept that good and what sleep I did get was because I was too sick to move. Im sleeping on my side so she climbs up on my shoulder and arm. I pretend to be asleep so maybe she will go away. Not likely. Shes staring at me. I can feel her eyes boring right through me. Im expecting to feel her claws because she has this thing about rubbing her claws on me and picking me. Im told that its a way to put their scent or to let them claim you as theirs. What ever the hell it is, it drives me nuts.

Anywho yet again. Im getting good at that, huh? Shes there staring at me and I decide to stare right back. No meow. No clawing. No picking.

Just alot of purring and she then licks the side of my face with that sandpaper of a tongue and then curls her face into my neck and purrs her and myself to sleep.

It's a bird...It's a plane...It's a...Damn, it's just a plane...

It's a bird...It's a plane...It's a.... Damn, its just a plane....

I had some thoughts about flying tonight. Talking to Whosie and Jose about it earlier reminded me of my first real big airplane flight. No I wasnt thinking about a man in a leotard.

It was in November 1997 and I was taking a trip to Florida with my father, my oldest sister and my neice. Every other time I went to Florida, I have always gone by car. Yeah, nothing like riding 1250 miles in the back seat of a Caddy with a cooler between your legs.

As a kid, I have flown in the small single engine 4 seaters alot but this was something completely different. I really dont mind heights too much. Just the one thing that keeps going through my mind is, that thing weighs in at over 20 tons, how the hell does it stay up in the air?

First I will tell you that when I was 10, I lived in a house right along side the Eastern runway of Albany Airport. I lived in an upstairs apartment and I wondered why there were nails standing up in the cupboards and a bar on the wall next to the toilet and in the shower. Well I found out about 10 minutes later when I had to go to the bathroom and an airplane decided to make an appearance and land. Holy Shitmypants Batman!!! I will never forget that one. If I had not grabbed that bar, I would have slid off the seat onto the floor. After a week or so you go used to it. Thankfully we didnt live there but for only a few months.

So this brings me back to the story I started. We had this little week long trip planned ahead of time and Im actually very nervous about flying in one of those huge planes. Plus they dont fly closer to the ground like the small planes do. I definately dont want a window seat.

Time goes on and about a week before the flight, I was watching tv and what do you think was on? Flight 800. Dumbass me actually sat and watched it. All the crazy things going through my head. You know that little black box that records all the information? Ya know, the one that is indestructable? Why cant they make the whole plane out of that? And here my sorry butt will be on one thinking just that.

Now mind you its November. Not exactly tourist season so this should be a great vacation. As we get closer to the airport, Im squirming and nervous as hell. Its cold outside and I dont have a coat. Kinda stupid to bring one to Florida now aint it? So Im in the airport and we are getting the bags checked in. My father hands me my ticket and its a middle seat. I was hoping for an aisle but no such luck. My father has the window, I have the middle and I-dont-know yet has the aisle. My sister and neice are in two of the seats behind us. Not a bad thing.

I make sure that before I get on this plane, Im going to go to the bathroom to pee, puke, what-ever. Nope, no such luck. They called the flight and off we head to the place where time and my stomach stand still. I checked in my suitcase, but with me I have my carry on, my father's carry on and a small case that has all his medications in it. Im hoping he has some tranquilizers too but I doubt it. Im sure hes going to enjoy this entertainment of me freaking out on the plane. Why spoil the fun if Im sedated.

Now Im wondering about seating. Is it better in front of the wings, behind the wings or on the wings? Im thinking on the wings because then I wouldnt be able to see anything. Personally, I really dont remember where we sat because I wouldnt look out the window at the time. So I put the two carry ons in the over head compartment and we take our seats. Some dude in a suit sits in the aisle seat. Well at least if something happens I will be smooshed between two people. Better chance of keeping my self in one piece.

So we take off and I nearly crap my pants. My ears pop and the plane is rumbling. This is not what I planned. My sister, neice and father are all fine with this and Im secretly in tears. I decided to take out the SkyMall magazine to read. Something to take my mind off this flight. Mind you that we are changing flights in Atlanta soon.

About an hour into the flight, the guy in the aisle seat starts to snore. Well thats a good plan. Should have thought about that before. But Im too nervous to sleep. I do remember my father pointing out things to look at out the window. I know hes enjoying this because hes laughing too. I did chance a glance out and saw the ground waaay down and nearly passed out. But thats when I noticed that the guy next to me was snoring and scratching his crotch. Im not sure what amused me more. The fact that he didnt realize that he was doing it or the stares and giggles from those around watching him do it too. He even had his shoes off. Please dont ask me why I would notice that sort of thing. Just know that it was amusing and I wasnt looking out the window. Btw, I dont like peanuts.

So now we land in Atlanta. We get off the plane at one end and the tickets say that its a 45 minute layover. So that means we have 45 minutes to get to the other end of the airport to the next flight. No problem. Well me and my sister are smokers. As we are walking , she notices a smoking room. Well to me it was a glass room but all you could see was a huge cloud. Perfect for my sanity as we open the door and inhale. A quick smoke and off we go running to catch up to my father.

This airport is frelling huge. Im running with three bags to make this flight on time. I couldnt believe how big this place was. I was wondering about the subway trains in there. Stupid me should have taken one. My lungs are still back up in that smoking room.

We get on this flight and this plane is a little smaller. Only two seats on one side and three on the other. I get an aisle seat. Yay me!! Oh wait... Nope, we get the side that has three. But no one was taking the aisle seat so after we took off, I moved to that one. Oh, I forgot to mention that I really dont like peanuts. And I still have to pee.

We land in Daytona Beach Airport that afternoon about 1:30ish. It was so good to actually touch the ground. And a palm tree. It was a potted palm but you get the drift.

Out to the rental car and away we go to the hotel. It was a pretty good vacation and we had alot of fun. Mind you that the flight to Florida was an early morning flight. The one home was a late afternoon flight.

On the way home, the first flight into Atlanta wasnt so bad. Once again I got the empty seat. For the life of me though, I cant remember where on the plane I sat. But I do remember that I had an extra bag with me that contained a wolf statue that I purchased that wouldnt fit in the suitcase. I should have shipped it via UPS before we left but didnt think of that then. It was heavy and I had to carry it in a canvas bag for the entire flight. Now that makes it four bags to carry through the airport. Once again back to that smoking room for a head rush before the next flight.

Why the hell cant they keep the terminals closer together? Why did they make me have to run for 45 minutes straight. I dont remember signing up for a marathon. I do remember signing a form for flight insurance. Yeah probably in case you have a heart attack while running to your next flight so you dont miss it.

On the end flight home I got the middle seat again on the left side of the plane. I remember this because it was getting dark out and I couldnt really see anything. We are also near the back behind the wing. Well some chick sits in the aisle seat and she just about damn near killed me with perfume. Note that perfume has the word fume in it for a reason. That could be taken two ways. Her fumes were making me fume. No I didnt have to get out the dickshunairee for that one.

Well her husband was a few rows up on the other side and I guess the poor girl he was sitting next to was having convulsions because of his fumes too. The flight attendant decided that hubby and wife should sit together. What a smart thing to think of. How considerate. So the girl comes back and sits next to me and we enjoyed a nice chit chat about the happy couple while tears poured from our eyes and our sinuses were near to exploding.

That flight wasnt too bad and in all truth, I enjoyed looking out the window at the lights from the cities below. It was really cool. Especially when the captain called out that we were flying over Pittsburgh and then Buffalo. Wait..... Pittsburgh and Buffalo? Ummmm.... Where the hell are we going? Thats clear across the state from Albany. My father laughed about that little panic attack and said that was the directon we would be landing in from. Well thats a relief. Not.
But we are closer to the gound now. The reason I knew this was because I could see snow. Wait... Snow??? We are going to land in snow??? Are you kidding me? Nope. Sure enough the captain comes on and tells us that its snowing pretty hard in Albany. Great. Just frelling great. All I can think of is that we are going to attempt a landing and run over Frosty the Snowman and slide off the runway. Right into the old house that I used to live in. Well that house isnt there anymore. There is a Pepsi plant there now. Well that makes it a little better. I can crash land into my favorite drink and be happy and burp my way to Heaven. And yes, I will go to Heaven because... I can... Im cute and Im innocent, damnit.

Anywho, we did land safely and without much of a problem. Frosty was able to roll out of the way just in the nick of time. Whew. Now mind you that Albany airport didnt have those tunnel things to enter and exit the planes with and stupid me is wearing shorts. I completely forgot to change on the plane. Not like I would have gotten out of my seat anyway. But here I am getting off the plane and having to make a fast dash to the door while the wind was blowing and it sure as hell was snowing.

Yeah I was happy to be safe on the ground and now inside a warm building but the first place I went to wasnt the car. I grabbed my luggage and headed straight to the bathroom before I peed my pants.

Note: Just think Whoise, you are landing in June so there wont be any worries. I promise. The flying really isnt all that bad. You just know that I have an interesting imagination.