Things that suck.....

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Things that suck.

What a wonderful topic huh? Yeah I know what you all are thinking. Get your minds out of the gutter and take mine with you please. Todays post has nothing to do with that but I degress. ;o)

I woke up this morning feeling happy and refreshed. It was a fun drive home last night in the ice and slippery roads but thats ok. I wasnt complaining at all. Nope. But I was in a great mood this morning til I got a phone call from my father.

So here I am, fresh from the shower (yeah that again) with one of those things in my mouth. (yeah that again) And the phone rings. On the other end I hear the words, "Get over here and clean the place will ya?" Oh the joy. Its not a bad thing to do. Really it isnt. I just didnt want to do it today.

So I get ready and head out to the kitchen. Well someone else is up because there are 4 cookies missing from the plate. Hmmmm.... I wonder where they went to. Note: That isnt a question. I know I will find out soon enough.

Sure enough, she comes bouncing into the kitchen in all her chocolate faced glory. Wired to the ceiling. Yep, this is going to be a great day.

While getting ready, she decides to turn the TV on. Not a good thing to be doing right now. I tell her to get her shoes on and all I get in response was that the Doodle Bops were on and she isnt going. It was like trying to dress a burlap bag full of snakes. Oh, is there a difference?
We get over there and do the routine. The thing I hate the most is the vacumn cleaner. I really hate the one he has. Its a small canister one with a 20 foot hose on it. The hose always pops off and the brush head is so tiny. Now how the hell am I supposed to actually get this thing to suck anything up? I use it on the kitchen and bathroom floors. No problem on bare floors.

But he has a few friends that like to hang around. Literally. And you know how much fun I can have with those. Except I have never seen these friends. They dont like to come out in the open. Its amusing though. If you look on the floor under the base cabinets in the kitchen you will find all kinds of little dead critters. At least his friends keep a tidy house. They catch the bugs and suck them dry. Then they put them on the kitchen floor to be cleaned up by me. How nice of them. Room service. But that says nothing for the giant red things with a thousand legs that like to come visit. They are about 3 inches long and just scary as all hell. My father is amusing at times. He really is. He sprays them and puts them in the letter shredder. Dont even think I am going to empty that basket for him.

So I get the kitchen cleaned and mopped and move on to the bathroom. I will leave all the gory details out of that just in case you are eating lunch or something. Now comes the cleaning of the livingroom. I once again have to use this thing he wants to call a vacumn. Its not doing a damn thing. So I suggest that he go out and buy a real one. Well holy bazzooka batman, that was a dumb thing to do.

So we all get in my car and head to the mall. Now mind you that he has to stop and get something for lunch. Ok, Im game. We stop into a restaurant and we order. He is the most impatient man I have ever known and hes very vocal about it. Im used to it though.

Now hes happy and full so we can move on our merry way to get a real vacumn cleaner. Im shocked and stunned that he should want to go to Kmart. Usually he shops at Sears because even if its the same thing elsewhere, its going to be a better thing because it cost more and it came from Sears. Beats the hell out of me but thats the way its always been. Before that it was always MonkeyWards.

We make our way to the aisle where they have vacumn cleaners. All the while Im getting picked at and poked at by a six year old complaining that we are not in the vicinity of the toy aisles.

Well hell, they would have to have a selection of more than one on display now wouldnt they. So here he is taking them all apart like he has never seen one of these before. Wait, come to think of it, I dont think he has. Before that rinky dinky thing he has now, there was a shop vac to use. And before that was a machine that I would like to think was something out of the dark ages. Cloth wrapped cord and all.

So now he settles himself on one that I think is a decent pick. Oh wait, he hasnt heard of bagless ones yet. Oh crap. Here it comes. Now try to explain the difference in plain English what that means. Yep thats the ticket. Filters. Now mind you, why in hells creation, and yes I am in hell, would they sell parts to things that they dont even have the models for?

So I explain to him that he can pick the one up that he needs, should he need an extra one, at Sears Hardware. Whoo hoo!! I scored a grin on that one.

So now I have a new vacumn cleaner in a box and moving up to the front of the store. He decided that there are other things he needs to get so he will meet me at the register. I have a few things that I too need to get. I agree on the plan. So I head towards the health and beauty aisles. And of course that goes right past the toy aisles. Oh joy. She runs off and grabs a Littlest Pet Shops toy and is happy. Well that was quick. At least one thing went right today.

I get to the aisles I need because there is one thing that I need to pick up. Wax. Yeah yeah yeah, I know what you all are thinking. Actually this is eyebrow wax but I will tell you all about that someday too. Very interesting tale to be sure.

Now we are at the register. I put everything up on the counter and I look back and what do I see? A Sears credit card. I completely forgot about the fact that Sears bought out Kmart. I should be surprised huh? He pays for everything at Kmart with a Sears card because why? Thats right kiddies. Its owned by Sears now. HA!!

I dropped him off at his apartment and carried the box inside. Can you guess what Im doing tomorrow? I get to put this thing together and actually attempt to use it. Im sure I will have something good to post up about how to read insturctions on an electrical appliance. May the force be with me. Or that I dont blow a fuse. ;o)