Only in my part of the woods....

This could only happen in my part of the woods, huh?

Not sure how long the article willbe available as they put them in archives....

There is a photo too...

http://timesunion.com/AspStories/story.asp?storyID=699285

Man dressed as penis disrupts graduation

By DENNIS YUSKO, Staff writer
Last updated: 5:09 p.m., Thursday, June 26, 2008

SARATOGA SPRINGS -- A 19-year-old man dressed as a penis was arrested for disturbing a high school graduation today at the Saratoga Performing Arts Center.

Calvin Morett of 337 Pyramid Pine Estates allegedly interrupted the Saratoga Springs High School graduation by marching across SPAC's stage in an inflatable 6-foot penis costume while diplomas were being given out, Saratoga Springs Police Sgt. Sean Briscoe said.

Morett purchased the full-body costume and sprayed parts of the 5,000 people in the crowd with Silly String, Briscoe said.

His motive? ``He thought it would be funny,'' Briscoe said.

Morett was ticketed for disorderly conduct, a violation, and will face the charges in City Court on Tuesday, Briscoe said.

Morett graduated from Saratoga Springs High School last year. He tried to streak away from law enforcement, but could not.

``Once I stopped laughing, he was pretty easy to catch because he was tripping on the lower portion of the costume,'' said Briscoe, who made the arrest.

http://timesunion.com/shared/graphics/newsDb/X00108_9_626200842845PM.jpg

Its Caterday!!!

hold you in my arms forever

And So It Ends....

And So It Ends...

School is officially out for the summer. Boo-Yay!! It also means that I am unemployeed at the moment. I will be back there in Sept though. But I need something for the summer. I need gas money and class money. Its been a good thing that I havent had two cool things that I wanted to learn in the same week. So once a week has been my limit. Its not cheap to do this but I want to learn all that I can. I really should concentrate on what I already know and make alot of stuff that way. As it is, Im making one or two of these items and moving on to the next. I need to build up a stock.

Yesterday was the last day of school. I was a sad and happy day. I was happy to be out of there but sad because I will miss everyone. I made it through til the last minute when one of the 6th graders came up to me and cried and I started to cry. I will miss her a lot. I get attached to these kids like they are my own.

We spent the day cleaning rooms and letting the kids do what they wanted to do. Mostly play on the computer and watch movies. We had a special guest at the school and Cami got to meet him. It was only the Mayor but he also signed her yearbook. He was pleasant.

After school we had a nice lunch and we all gathered and said our goodbyes to a few that were leaving to move on to another school. It was really sad. One of them I was hoping would be Cami's teacher for next year. But I know her reasons and they are pretty much the same as the rest of ours, should we actually leave too. I dont blame her one bit and Im really happy that she will be in a better place.

One of the paras that left caused us all a great heartache. His wife used to work there as well and she fell ill. Time is not on her side and shes not well at all. She is on life support and will not make it. So for Mark and Claudia...I luvs you guys and I miss you terribly.

After the lunch, Cami went home and I stayed to finish work. We were stuck there til 4pm as a normal day. I wasnt complaining too much because I really needed those few extra hours of pay. I came down the hall to the the A wing and when I came around the corner, they were playing cart bowling. This is alot of fun but we cant get caught at it. We had one teacher watching for a code red call. The rest of us stayed out of range or risk getting nailed by the cart. The sound alone of the cart crashing against the chairs or the walls and the cabinets was hysterical. Im such a loser. I couldnt hit that chair if my life depended on it. But we all had some laughs and got alot of frustration out. Good thing we didnt get caught. I took some pictures for the memories and Gabe kept telling me not to gather evidence but we laughed.

What we do is we take an old cart that is on wheels and push it back and forth down the length of the hall. They were using chairs as the goal until I found a couple of cones. We did that for a couple of hours and then the teachers left at 315pm. Then the paras gathered in a few rooms and we finished off the jobs. We all left with each others emails and numbers and promises to get together over the summer.

Today was tough. I didnt want to get out of bed. I took Cami to my fathers house and checked on him. He isnt doing so well. He is back on the old heart medication that makes him feel sick to his stomach and causes heart flutters. He has to be on it for 4 weeks and then he goes in for a zap to regulate everything. I hate when this happens because he is so miserable. I keep a close watch when this happens.

While there we decided to go get something to eat. At the mall, I ran into my friend Maria. Shes the one that cuts my hair and she leaves for 6 months at a time. I think she goes back to Sweden. But anyways, I decided that I needed to get my hair cut now or wait even longer next time. Its been well over a year since she cut it and it was needed. Badly. My hair was almost down to my lower back and the ends were a mess. Its my fault though. Ever since Terry left, I have had to color my hair myself. I hate the box stuff. It drys my hair out. But it must be this way because I cant afford anything else.

So now Im sitting here with about 8 inches gone off my hair. Its still long and below my shoulders though. Im just used to having so much of it. Maybe I will take a pictue of it now and do a comparison thing. Before and after. But it will all grow back out again. It was all one length with front layers. My hair curls on its own but only at the ends. Now its back to being layered again. My long ponytail is gone. I would have done a donation thing but we didnt plan that ahead of time. I should have though. Sorry now that I didnt think of it then.

So now Summer is officially here. Next up is the 4th of July. Lets see what trouble I can get into then. We are planning to win the parade again this year. Wait til you see what we come up with. I wont spoil you but there willbe alot of laughs this year too.

My Ass Hurts....

My ass hurts....

Seriously, it hurts like hell. You know when you do something you arent supposed to do and they tell you that you used muscles that you havent used in a long time? Well I think this is one of them. And no I wasnt doing something naughty this time. Especially something naughty with my ass.

Today was Sharing Success Day at school. For those in the real world, we always have known it as Field Day. For some damn reason, the powers that be insist on changing the names of everything because there is some jerkhead out there that cant handle the truth. Halloween is now Character Day. Christmas in now A Winter Holiday. Easter is A Spring Day. Whatever....

Anyways, for those interested, today was Field Day. We all got a little notice in our boxes yesterday of what assignment we would be getting. Somehow I ended up with the Tug-of-War. Oh yeah Baby!! The fun one. Not. Dont get me wrong, this is one of my favorites. But not with some of these kids. Oh hell no. This means doing battle. They seem to lose track of the fact thats its all fun and games. And with this game, it means someone will lose an eye.

So I started off the morning very pleasantly. I grabbed a water bottle and headed to my station. A nice shady spot under the trees in the field. Im in between the egg rolling thing and the waterballoon sheet tossing. Fun times to be had. This rope is huge. And its heavy. It would take a chainsaw to cut it.

I set everything up and sit and wait. I also have a highschool girl as my helper. We dont have any class for the first 15 minute round. Well we have class but not any kids. Then comes time for the fun to begin. We start off with one of the special ed classes. There are only a few kids in this one so it shouldnt be too bad. One of the kids is a monster. He can pull all by himself. So what do we do? We get an adult on the other side. And guess who that would be? Yep... Me.

So the bell goes off and Im pulling. Pulling my ass off to be exact. That damn rope hurts. By the time we are done, Im in pain. My hands are swelling up and my ankles are sore from digging into the ground.

We filled the morning with all the classes from PreK to 2nd grade. Alot of kids and alot of various ways to set up teams to pull. By lunch time, I was sore as hell. My hands were swollen and my feet were killing me. I think it would have been better to not have the adults in on those.

Lunch was fun because a few of us gathered in the break room to chat about the events of the morning. While doing so, one of the ladies popped a water balloon on her lap. At least it wasnt me this time. I didnt pee my pants. I could have while laughing. I went outside and sat on one of the benches to wait for the afternoon rounds. I dont think I was going to be moving from there too soon. At least they could have carried me down there.

Next up is one of the 6th grade classes after lunch time. There are alot of kids here. So they wanted to do a boys against the girls thing. This was actually the boys idea. Well they lost. And bad too. So we did a rematch. This time I got on the boys team. We won. So now the girls are mad because there was an adult on the other side. Like that really matters. So their teacher gets on their side and the boys side still won. Then we started to do matches with 5 on each side and then one on one. Fun to be had.

The next one was the other 6th grade. These kids are a little bigger and we had a few adults get involved. By now my hands are killing me even more. Im pretty much soaking them in the cooler. Its 3pm and time to clean up. I gathered a couple of the 4th grade boys to bring the rope back up to the gym. There was no way I was carrying it.

I finally drag my sorry ass up the hill to the school and head to the lobby to get prepared to do the buses. There is no way that Im going to stop moving because my ass would lock up and that would be a very bad thing. The two things that seemed to hurt the most is my heels and my ass bone.

Yes there is something called and ass bone. Its right in the middle of my ass and it hurts like hell. I think its in the same area as my tail bone from my spine. So that makes it an ass bone. Why the bone hurts, I dont know. But Im guess its muscles that I havent used in a while. I still dont get that. I dont remember those muscles even being there in the first place.

So I finished up and decided to go sit in the break room til it was time to go home. Boy was that a big mistake. They announced for us to sign the books to leave and I couldnt move. I think I dragged myself in there on all fours because my feet were screaming at me.

Now I have to somehow make it to my car. Once in there, I now cant get out. I make it home and crawl up the stairs. I made it to my bed and I couldnt move for at least an hour.

Now here I sit. I took about 1200mgs of IBs and my chair seems to have attached itself to my ass. I can barely sit in one spot. Gawd forbid that I have to stretch or move to go get a drink. Can someone please help me? I cant find my feet. My hands are completely numb. I tried going to the bathroom but once in there, I could barely sit on the toilet. Now getting back up was a huge chore. Could you imagine if there were other bodily functions involved?

All in all it really was a fun day. Im really not as hurt as I say I am. Im pretty damn sore though. These kids only had to pull that rope a couple of times each. I was pulling every time to even things out. And some of those adults, including male teachers, are strong as hell. I just think I pulled a little too much. But seriously, my ass hurts.

Another year...

Well another year has passed. This is getting a little rough because I hate getting older. I want to be immortal. Not in the sense of never dieing but in the sense that I want to be remembered. I hate being the center of attention and I tend to walk away from situations like that. But somewhere out there is something that is going to make someone think of me. I dont know. Weird fantasy, I guess.

I was thinking back on all the birthdays that I have had. I honestly dont think I really ever had anything really big happen. The earliest one I can remember is my second one. I remembered not wanting the cake. I didnt want one. I didnt eat it. I dont remember why though. I also have pictures of my first birthday where I was playing with the paper cups and wanted nothing to do with the cake.

My third birthday was a cake with Snow White and all the dwarfs on it. They were little plastic toys. Probably with lead paint but who cares. We survived it then and Im still alive now. But I remember wanting those and not the cake. I dont remember much else of any birthdays til my 10th one where my mom got me a Carvel cake with a horse made of all the clear tube icing on it. It was a huge party and all my friends were there. I know my friends came to all my birthdays but why this one stands out, I dont know.

That was the year that one of my friends got seriously hurt playing baseball. And that was the last one I had with them til I was 19. Shortly before my 10th birthday, we had sort of moved out. Just me and my mom. But that year we had the party on the front porch and we had alot of water balloons.

My 13th one was scary. I dont think I will ever forgive my mom for it. She threw me a huge party with all my friends and it was a Smurf theme. I think she was being evil. I must have done something to seriously piss her off. Either that or she liked the Smurfs and was living her life long dream through me. Either way, it was traumatizing. Everything was blue. Including the cake. So all the kiddies went home with blue mouths. I guess it was entertaining. But I hated the Smurfs then. I was more into the video games thing. You know... PacMan and Frogger. Why couldnt I have a PacMan party? Oh yeah, video games ruin your brain. But Smurfs dont? Geez...

The next one I remember is my 16th. This was a really bad year. My mom had planned this huge party for me. She was going to rent a hall and everything. Nothing like having a Sweet 16 party with 100 people huh? But it wasnt to be. The day before the party, my mom had a terrible accident and all plans were canceled. Usually my mom would have toughened it out but this was serious. She had fallen down the stairs and did some major spinal damage. But she still threw me a small party at home with a couple of my closest friends to hang out with.

It was a bbq in the back yard and my friends thought it was cool to decorate my room with posters. That was a cool thing back then because I was a sort of "metal head". So my room was decorated with rock posters and stuff and mom got me a cool bedding set of all leopard prints. My friends threw me a seperate party a couple of weeks later when my mom was feeling a little better. My friends all loved my mom and they understood. Still to this day they call her mom.

The next one was my 18th. I had one with my friends, of course, but mom threw one for me at the camp we had at the time. It was a hell of a bash. Although I wasnt allowed to drink like everyone else. I remember the cake. It was all orange and yellow and had a lion done in frosting on the top. A large lump of frosting. Not just something painted on it. It was pretty cool. My big thing then was lions, tigers and leopards.

So anyways, this cake was the big thing. They all gave me money if I would eat off the head of the lion. I guess I was stupid enough to fall for this but there was a lot of money involved. Well over a grand to be exact. So stupid me, bit the head off. Of course while my head was doing that, they pushed my face into the cake. No one thought about the colored frosting leaving stains. So for about 4 days, I had orange streaks on my face. But that money was worth the fun. And good thing I was staying at the camp for the weekend where everyone knew what happened. Not like if I was at home and everyone would think I screwed up a tube of fake tanning stuff.

Then there was the graduation party soon after. Holy moly was this a party. One I will never forget. I was a little upset that my mom made me wear a dress to my graduation. And it wasnt a dress that I picked out. I think there was only one picture where I was smiling and thats the one I had to smile in. When I received my diploma. That was a Friday night and my party was the next day at the camp.

My mom got me a bottle of cheap wine. Why, I dont know. It was the kind with a basket under it. It was nasty so I mixed it with soda. But she was determined that if I was going to get drunk for my party then it would be with something that would make me never want to drink again. Guess she was wrong, huh?

I was loaded. I was having a great time. Then one of my parents friends decided to take me for a ride in his cart. Yeah, lets take the drunk chick out and see if she pukes. Ha ha ha. In reality, while I was out, the guests all went for a walk to where my present was hidden. We showed up a few minutes later and they all yelled surprise. Never yell surprise to someone that is very drunk. In the woods behind the camp, there was a car hidden under a tarp. Yeah, they bought me a car. It was a red 78 Ford Fairmont.

Now they want me to find the keys. They bought a lion piniata and put the keys inside it. Of course the first place I looked was up its ass. And sure enough, with my moms sense of humor, there they were. She doesnt know me too well, does she?

Now the drunk chick gets to drive the car out of the woods. Hey, there are a lot of trees in here and Im bound to hit one of them. Wouldnt you know it, I didnt hit any. I call that a good score. Shortly after, I passed out and spent the next two days hung over.

My next birthday was my 19th. My parents spent most of their time at the camp and I was left home. I had a full time job and I was pretty much on my own. Hell for the past 3 years it was like that. But my Aunt was downstairs so I really wasnt alone. But we moved downstairs after she passed away. The new neighbors upstairs and the ones next door watched over me and reported to my parents if I did anything wrong. Little did they know that I partied with them. So for my 19th party, we had a hell of a bbq and all the good stuff. I was pretty hung over for that one too.

Then came the big 21. This wasnt what I expected it to be. Since I was about 15, I was a party person and now Im legal. It wasnt as much fun anymore. No more sneaking around. I had moved across the state and was living with some friends. I went out with my sister to my neices dance thing at school and while I was gone, my roomies planned a party. I was really sick and had strep throat. I wasnt in the mood to party. So when I got home, they all yelled surprise and I got a glass of milk and went to bed while they partied all night. I made up for it the following weekend though.

That Sept I moved back home. The next few years were completely scary for me. A few of you know what happened but Im not going into all that now. But my parents decided to throw me a 25th Quarter of a Century party. How nice. See I have thrown parties for them marking specific milestones with jokes. Like when mom turned 55, she got a Life in the Fast Lane party because reached the speed limit. For her 60th I pulled a good one with her being sent to an institution for the insane that I called a nursing home party. It was funny but shes paid me back for all that. My step dads 69th party was hysterical but we wont go into that. So she threw me this party with all my friends and family. It was fun. Everything had to do with getting old. But at 25, I was just getting started.

I havent had a real party since. Well she tried to throw me a big one for my 30th but I told her that I was going out of town. I did. My friends baby shower was that day and I was also very pregnant too and not in the mood to turn 30. It was devastating to me. I dont know why, but it was. I didnt want it. I had lost my job. Well the business was closing soon and that was not a fun thing for me to think about. I had been diagnosed with diabeties while pregnant so I wasnt allowed to even have cake. I just blew off the party thing and waited til my shower later.

Now Im 39. Yes 39. Im hating this. I dread 40. I know my mom will pull something. I still count myself as 29 with 10 years experience. I never want to admit that Im getting older. I dont know what it is. I think its because I really havent been truely happy with my life. I havent really accomplished anything. Not for the sake of trying though. Just not where I want to be, I guess.

So this year slid through quietly. The kids at school knew the day and they all wished me well. My father was busy that day so we went out to dinner on Friday and Sunday we will go shopping for my gift. I spent today with my mom at the camp but the heat was too much so I came home. My friends sent me a lot of wishes and I love you all for that. You guys are the best. I dont know what I would do without you. Especially the phone call I got. Thanks to DB for that. It really cheered me up.

Even though this year I want it, I didnt get any cake.