Thursday, December 25, 2014

Lifes Little Setbacks...Seems I cant post...

Lets try this... HTML format. Its been a very long time since Ive updated. Not that many people read this. Last Feb I spent some time in the hospital with a serious life threatening illness. I wont go into all the gory details publically, but it was pretty darn scary. In the process, I was also diagnosed diabetic. Double whammy there. I knew it was coming but I wasnt sure when. I will say though, being diabetic pretty much saved my life. Im healthier and I feel a hell of a lot better. The next one of my nine lives to go happened this past Oct. I was a passenger in a car that went off the retaining wall of a bridge. No, being airborn wasnt fun this time. I still dont have a computer hooked up and its a b*tch doing this from my phone. Till next time, stay safe, stay healthy and stay awake.

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Broken Bridges.....

Its been a long time since I have posted anything.  Life has taken some serious turns and hit a lot of holes in the road.  Its things like this that gave me the title to this blog.  This time, the holes became extremely large and difficult to get out of. 

A couple of years ago, my fathers illness took a bad turn.  He has always had issues with his lungs due to exposure at work.  But then the tumor showed up and his breathing took a toll for the worse.  He went through radiation treatment but it needed more.  Chemo would not have helped him.  His body was too weak and so was his heart.  The medications he was on took a toll on his mind.  A lot of things were said and a lot of mistakes were made.  A lot of lies were spread as well.  Im mot sure which was worse, the lies or the pain. 

I wont go into too much detail but in the end, my daughter and I suffered for it as well as he did.  I wasnt there when he died.  I wasnt allowed to be there.  The funeral was a nightmare.  Families were torn apart.  Lives were shattered.  I think in a way it brought my sister and I a little closer.  We are working on that.  But it also created a barrier that is much stronger.  I lost a whole part of my family.  Ones that I thought would be there for me.  I was wrong. 

On another note, my job went in a different direction as well.  I really hate that they make you wait until the last minute to see what will happen next.  Its like a movie or a soap opera.  They leave you hanging.  Nervous and scared until the very last moment and then tell you what will happen.  Then they make you wait even more to make sure this was the right decision.  They do this to me every year.  Well, not to just me.  Others are involved.  There are some that still have no idea what will happen in the next month.  The waiting is torture. I know the powers that be dont do this on purpose.  I have always believed that if its not broke, dont fix it.  But other things broke and they have to fix that.  In the process, they have to fix more things that they will end up breaking.  Weird, I know. 

As it stands right now, I will be moved to another building.  But its ok.  I will be staying with the same program and the same co-workers.  Im ok with that.  Actually happy with that.  Im just hoping that they dont change it.  I will miss my friends in the old building.  I know that this is a good decision because the program is where it is supposed to be.  Just waiting for the next month to be over to make sure this is how it will work out.  Fingers crossed. 

My nerves are shot.  My heart is broken.  My whole life is at a stand still.  Just wish it was easier.  I know Im strong.  I know I can handle it.  Where do I begin this long process of healing?  When does the pain go away?  When does the confusion go away? 

When can I cross the bridge that was taken away from me? 

Saturday, January 21, 2012

The Path Less Traveled.....

The Path Less Traveled.....

I know I havent written anything in a long time. Its been a very difficult road for me this past summer. Ive come to that fork in the road way too many times. Let me see how I can put this all together and catch up on the many events. Over the summer, and the past year, I have lost so many relatives and friends. At one point there were two funerals in one week. Some from old age, some from cancer, one from a terrible accident and another from a suicide.

We have dealt with some minor earthquakes and even a hurricane. The hurricane left a lot of damage here. Her path went right through here and there are some nearby towns that were completely wiped out. Not just a few houses. I mean the entire town is gone. There are some areas in my city where the water rose to over 10 feet. for many homes here, that means the entire first floor was under water. The cleanup is still going on.

I still have my job. Its a lot different this year. A completely new set of kids and a completely new way of doing things. These new kids are a lot of fun and they are so darn cute. But they are more of a challenge for us all. We are getting through it though. I will say that the give us one hell of a workout everyday.

Having some serious issues with my father. Over the summer, he completed a round of radiation for his cancer and dealt with it with some difficulty. But he made it through and as far as I know, the tumor stopped growing and he was okay for a while. Then he suffered some severe pain. They discovered a fracture and a compressed disk in his back. We are still not sure what caused it but they think it was a weakening of the spine due to the radiation. He cant lay down flat for any scans to see if the cancer might have spread though. They arent ruling that out.

The pain meds have completely cut off his outside life. He cant drive, walk or even operate a scooter to get around. He can walk for a shot period. Nothing more than from the bedroom to the bathroom or to move around the kitchen. Hes constantly complaining about it. Sometimes he will just stand and lean on something for a while because he cant sit. The pain meds that he is on dont seem to help so the doctors keep changing them. At one point, he was on morphine. That caused other problems so he was taken off them. Although it did work better.

We had a huge set back last week. He decided he was fed up with the pain and took more than he was supposed to take of the pain meds. He was rushed to the ER and we almost lost him a couple of times. As it stands, he may not make it home. There is a big meeting coming up and decisions have to be made regarding his future. We are looking into a nursing home now. I cant trust him to be home on his own while I am at work and I cant be there all night with him. I am not sure how I will be able to afford this. The stress is killing me. Somehow something good has to come of it all. I believe in Karma. Ive done everything right. Something has to give sometime. I can only hope it is soon.

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Its Finally Here....

Its Finally Here....

School is out for the summer. It was a crazy year. I was getting a little impatient for my papers for the upcoming year. Nothing like waiting til the last day to hand them out. The good news is that I will be back for next year. I really hate these year by year contracts. You would think that being in the union would make it so there is a definite deal. Its really nerve racking.

Cami survived another year as well. Shes now moving up to the middle school level. Although the school she attends is a PreK to 8th grade. Sixth grade is technically middle school but in her school its still elementary. Now she will be in 7th grade. The 7th and 8th grades have their own section of the building. They change classes and have lockers. I do have the chance to send her to a different school district. Im not sure Im ready for that yet. Well more like shes not ready. The school district that we live in doesnt like kids with ADHD. They feel that they belong in a special ed setting. There is no way I am going to subject my kid to that when she clearly doesnt need it. She aces all her test scores and is one of the smartest kids in the school. Why would I put her in special ed?

I finished off the last week of school with a nasty head cold. Why is it that I always get a cold at this time of the year? How stupid is this? Im guessing that I must have picked it up when I was doing my recertification. Nothing like being in a hot, sweaty, wrestling gym while doing testing for restraints. It was so hot in there and just crazy. We were all complaining. I think next year, I will do the recert in January.

The fourth of July parade is coming up at camp. We went shopping today for all the stuff to decorate. I think we did fairly well. Im not sure how it will all tie into the theme but we will do our best. The theme is Happy Birthday America. The float will be a giant cake. Im hoping my mom doesnt decide to jump out of the cake in a bikini but you never know. Just kidding. She wouldnt be that crazy. But she has done some crazy stuff in the past for these floats. We shall see on Sunday.

My father has completed his radiation treatments. Im not sure when he has to go in for a scan to see if the cancer tumor shrunk. We are hoping that it did. He refuses chemo. They may have him do another round of radiation though. What ever works. Hoping for the best. I think he is a little scared though. He has been going through his coin collection to get it ready to sell. Then Im buying a house. He yelled at me that his granddaughter needs a house. Ok. Im not going to argue with him. And he wants to make sure its a good one for her.

So heres to the beginning of summer vacation. Im hoping its going to be a good one.

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Yard Sales part 2....

After we left the doctor, we decided to just go home and rest. She was in a lot of pain. Her poor arms hurt the worst. On the way home, she spotted a sign for yard sales. Yup, here we go again. I asked her if she wanted to stop and look and she said yes. So we pulled in and checked them out. Sure enough, she found a couple of things. She said we should go home and map out a few more sales. So thats what we did. I mapped out some local sales and off we went.

She was able to find some knitting needles and a tin filled with buttons. I picked up some bottles and a decanter. I also found some Christmas stuff for camp. Then we went to one that was off the path where we normally go. I marked this one because it said there was a lot of antiques. Of course that would be the major thing for me.

I pulled up and looked toward the back. What I saw was amazing. As I got closer to the garage, I thought I was going to pee my pants. The things this man had. I was blown away. As those picker guys say, this was a real honey hole. I walked into the garage and it was even more amazing. I couldnt take it all in. This man had everything. From ship wheels and anchors to lamps and coins. I cant name it all. But there was a lot of it and he had it all hanging from the ceiling and on shelves. In cases and stacked outside.

I noticed he had some chimneys for the lamp I have. I found the perfect one. For a quarter!!! Whoohoo!! I swear I was in heaven. I noticed a lamp that I have been looking for. But this one was cracked. It was so pretty though.

I was looking in and out of the shelves. He had stuff stacked in deep. You really had to look for things. I swear I could spend a week in there and still not see everything. But way in the back of the garage. Up on the top shelf, behind a fan, I saw what I wanted. A lamp. A lamp that I have been looking for. And it was pink. And it was parlor size. And it was dirty. But I asked him how much. He looked at me and looked at the lamp. And looked at me again. Ten dollars. I think my eyes fell out of my head. I handed him the money. He wrapped it up. I paid for the stuff Cami found and off we went. I was in heaven.

That now sits on the dresser. Thats two. Im starting the count because we know where this will go. That is, if its anything like what happened with the trunks.


We had an incident the week before last. Every morning, it is Cami's job to take the dog out for her morning pee and then bring her back in and finish getting ready for school. Only this time it was going to be a little different.

She took the dog out as usual but then came in crying. I rushed out to see what was wrong and there she was, standing, with blood running down her arms. I nearly screamed. Then what came out of her mouth next, well, I nearly screamed for a different reason. She must have called the dog every name in the book. I hope she realized that I did excuse her because of the injuries. On a normal day I would have washed her mouth out.

So I took her into the bathroom and washed her arms with soap and water and then put some antiseptic wash on. Her elbows were scraped and all down both forearms. She had some scrapes on her wrists and some knuckles. Her ankles got it too. She was a mess. After I got her all cleaned and bandaged up, I asked her what happened. She told me that when she opened the door, Mindy spotted a couple of squirrels and off she went. She said it was just like Marmaduke. I asked her why she didnt just let go and she said that she didnt want to lost her dog. But yet she wanted to kill her for what she did.

I got her ready for school and off we went. Today was her concert. I didnt think she would be able to play so she didnt bother to bring her violin. She went to the nurse and I went on to work. At about 845, I got the call to come get her. Shes in pain and wants to go to the doctor. So I left work and went and got her. I didnt think she should have gone to school but I have to make the effort to be at work so I dont get in trouble. Crappy deal but thats what they want. So I picked her up and went to the doctor. Everything was ok and just to give her something for pain.

What a way to start the day huh?

Yard Sales....

This is a post that you all have been waiting for. I know its a few weeks late but there had been a lot of things going on. Im sure I will catch up to them in a few months. Just kidding. Im in the mood to write a little tonight.

Spring is here. Its almost Summer. Its time for.... you guessed it... Yard Sales!!! Im a yard sale junkie. I have this urge to stop at every one I see. Of course that isnt felt by everyone who lives here. I keep bringing home more junk or so Im told. But thats really not the case. I really dont spend a lot of money. And I really dont buy a lot of stuff. Im just interested in a few specific items. If anything gets purchased that is not on my list, then it was for Cami.

Well one day, I decided that I wanted to get out of the house and go to some yard sales. Cami is all for doing this. She has a lot of fun. Plus being a people person, I always make new friends this way. So on this particular occasion, I decided to spend the evening before mapping out some local places. I dont go out of the area for yard sales. I tend to stay within a mile or two. Even if it only a couple of sales, Im happy. So this time, I had them all mapped out where I was going to go first and then second.... you get the picture. So off we went.

First stop was a couple of blocks away and it was an estate sale. We all know how much I love antiques and you know there will be some at an estate sale. We pulled up and it was exactly what I expected. I saw all sorts of antiques all over the yard, driveway and in the garage. We parked and started to look. A man approached me and asked what I was interested in. I told him and he said he didnt have that sort of thing there. But he did have other things that I would be interested in. We chatted about some trunks but they werent what I wanted. Also they were a little more expensive than I was willing to pay. Like well over $100 more. But we had some nice chats regardless. He gave me his business card in case I wanted to sell any of mine. Yeah, like that will happen.

Cami found some old jewelry and a couple of books. The man gave her the jewelry though. Nothing great but she liked it. So she paid him for the books and off we went. On the way out, she noticed a Barbie doll house and camper bus. This thing was in three pieces. It was massive. Plus all the furniture was with it. The bus was about 3 feet long. And here she was, begging for me to buy it. I kept telling her no. She doesnt have the room for it. And also her bedroom is a mess. So shes putting on the pouty face and swearing that she will clean her room. Pinky-swear. Then the man offered $5 for all of it. So stupid me, bought it. I had to make two trips home. Thats how big this thing was.

We went to a few more sales that we saw some signs for. Nothing much at those and then we went off to sale number two that I had written down. This was an exciting place. I noticed there were a lot of items from the 80s here. Boom boxes like I used to have. I could also tell that someone in this house was a Spice Girls fan. She had some really interesting stuff. I went into the garage and I notice a pair of milk glass, hobnail, lamps. As I approached them, a lady picked up one and started to wrap it in paper. I asked if they were sold and she said yes. Damnit... this was on my list.

I have a desire to own a specific type of lamp. That one was close to it though. You see, my father had this lamp in his room for as long as I could remember. He decided that he didnt want it anymore. He offered it to me and at the time I was moving. I told him to wait a few days and I would take it home. When those few days were up, I went for the lamp and it was gone. He had given it to someone else. When he asked her about the lamp, she said she lost it in her move. In other words, she tossed it. I was furious. I have always wanted one of those lamps. They are expensive too. I can get a reproduction one for cheap. But his was an original.

Well anyways, back to the story. I told the lady what I was looking for and she then told me that she sold a set of them the day before. * smacks head * Why do people have yard sales on a Friday when they know people work? So I lost out on that one. Twice. Cami picked up a couple of things there and at the one next door. Of course, she got them for free. It must be her cuteness.

So off to the next sale. Of course, on the way, we saw some signs and checked out a few more sales. Nothing we wanted and then we arrived at the next one on the list. This one I had to park on the road and then walk way in. There were some tables outside and some in a garage. I noticed a wine decanter and grabbed that one quick. Cami found a cute stuffed bunny. We paid the lady and started out. I noticed on one of the tables there was a lamp. Its one that I want but it was missing the top piece. Only the bottom and the brass ring were on it. I picked it up and looked at it. The cord was cut. But the bottom globe was so pretty. But it wasnt working and missing parts so I put it back on the table.

As we walked back down to the car, I kept thinking to myself, I can order a top for it and it wouldnt be hard to put a cord on it. So I went back and bought it. The lady sold it to me for $2 because of the cord and the top. I knew that if I left it there, I would regret it. It was a pretty bottom. It was a clear amber color with white roses.

Then it dawned on me. I saw a white hobnail top at a previous sale. But which one? Ive been to over a dozen sales. Which one had that top? This was going to kill me thinking. So we went back to each and every one of those sales looking for that top. And just like Murphys Law, it was at the first sale we went to. The one with the doll house. There, on a table on the side of the garage, was this top. I tried it to the base and it was a nice fit. He sold it to me for $5. The white glass went well with the white roses on the bottom.

We went home after that. I thought that was enough for me for one day. I took the lamp to my father so he could rewire it for me. It took a little work because we needed a cord that was small enough for the hole in the bottom. But we finally got it all set up and it looks nice on my stand. Its just missing the center chimney. But there is always another day to search for that.

One of those days....

The other day I had a couple of encounters that both amused me and scared me. Not sure which is a better way to describe them.

Saturday morning started out just like any other morning. I had plans to go to the mall with my father and Cami to see her art work for the annual art show for the school district. This was the first time she had a piece on display and I had no idea what it was. Then again, she didnt know either.

I got out of the shower and told her to get in and get hers done. This is always a dragged out deal. I warn her ahead of time that Im almost done. You would think she would then get ready to step in. Nope. There always ends up being about a half hour process before that happens. This is nothing new. But this time, it was different. During her shower, I found out that I wasnt alone in mine. Of course, I wasnt about to let her know that though.

As she was taking her shower, the curtain close to the mirror was open a little. I was putting on my makeup when I happened to glance in that direction and saw something on the wall. She wouldnt have seen it because it was behind where the scrubbies hang. I have a shower caddy that hangs from the shower head. From there I hang the scrubbies. They arent touching the wall though. So this little critter was taking refuge on the wall and thought he wasnt being seen.

I always help her with washing and rinsing her hair. She doesnt get all the soap out and it just saves an argument later when she gets upset that her hair is all gummy. I pushed the curtain open and grabbed the shower head. We have one on a hose to make this task easier. I still didnt say anything to her about the monster on the wall. Just to clear this up, it was one of those house centipedes that creep the hell out of me. It wasnt a big one but it was still big enough at about 2 inches long. Where it came from, I dont know. Im particular about having bugs in my house and I make sure I clean everything pretty well. Especially the floors where I know the bugs might be.

Anywho, I carried on with her hair like nothing else was going on. Once in a while I would check to see if it was still there. Just so it wouldnt move and she would freak out. We finished up and I handed her the towel and sent her to her room to get ready. In the mean time, I turned the water back on and aimed the shower head towards the beast. Well, stupid me moved the scrubbies in the process and it latched onto one of them. Great. Now its not going to be easy to get it down the drain. So I sprayed the scrubbie and sure enough, it went deeper into it. I cant even see it clearly. I can see part of its legs sticking out so I know its still there. I reached under the sink and pulled out a small trash bag and wrapped it up over the scrubbie and knocked it into the bag. I tied it tight and patted myself on the back for being so brave. Little did I know that there was soon to be a question about what I was doing. Cami had been standing behind me the whole time. I told her about the bug and she ran screaming back to her room. She then accused me of not telling her about a possible attack. I never heard the end of that all day.

The other thing that amused me was that I was out and about and I noticed a car on the side of the road. On top of the car was a small blow up pool. Not a big one. This one was about the size and a couple of little kids could sit in. The interesting part was that this guy was trying to tie it to the roof of his car. This must be the man that I saw at the gas station near the air pump. Seriously? You couldnt spring for the $5 air pump and do it at home? I think after about a half our or so you could have blown it up with your own lungs. It wasnt that big.

But here he was, about a mile from the service station and hes tieing it to the roof of his car. I stopped to make another errand and watched this man. I was watching him leave and not far down the road, that pool took off flying like a UFO.

Some people never learn.

Monday, May 02, 2011

Ego Damage Part 3...

The next morning I had to be up and on the road at 630am. Like this was going to happen willingly. I remember seeing the clock show 4am. I had to be up at 5am to shower and get ready. I can hear the rumbles of thunder outside and thought to myself that this was not going to be a good day. I have no idea what transpired outside after I got home and I really didnt want to know. I just know that it sounded pretty bad.

The alarm went off and I really wasnt ready to move forward with the day. I was so tired. My head hurt. I hate waking up with a headache. Especially the one I went to bed with. I briefly turned the tv on for a weather report and it was the same crap. More rain and storms. Apparently Mother Nature isnt listening too well. I think we have all had enough of this.

Bill decided that there was no way I was in any condition to drive out there again and had offered to take us. I wasnt going to refuse. Besides, its not like he would be around people he wouldnt be confortable with. My relatives are all hunters and fishers. Country people too. We are all friendly people. How bad could it be? Seriously.

So the morning began and off we went. We stopped at McDs to get some coffee and I was ready to face the world. Even with a headache. We picked up my father and hit the thruway. He will drive on it. Somewhere along the way, I fell asleep int he back seat with Cami. She was watching a movie on her little portable DVD player and I never got half way through it. I woke up when we pulled into a rest area about an hour later. Im wondering if I was snoring or not. Probably. I really was in a deep sleep because I dont remember anything up to that point. I went in and got my father a coffee and Bill got some Munchkins for Cami to snack on. Back on the road. The weather was fairly clear and it was warm. The sun was shining. I was hoping it would stay that way.

We arrived on time to the funeral home. There were already a few people there. As soon as I walked in, I was greeted by David with a card with his email address on it. He asked for mine and I wrote it down. This was a great feeling because now I know we wont lose touch again. My cousin Larry showed up right behind us and he too was passing around his little Ipod and everyone was putting their info on it so that he could create a list for everyone else.

We all chatted and enjoyed the company. The girls went off again to play their games and watch the movie. It was so great they were getting along. What was a sad situation was turning out to be more pleasant to deal with. We all had each other the way a family should. We all leaned to each other and too shelter in that. I went outside for air a few times. Funeral homes always make be generally uncomfortable. Not for the death but just in general. They arent supposed to be happy places.

On the way back in, I ran into another cousin that I hadnt seen in a few years. On the way in, we both went to the ladies room and chatted. Yeah, some people think its weird but thats what females do. We hang out in rest rooms chatting. We can do that. So we had a nice conversation about my father's cancer and just how were both were in general.

At about 11am, it was time to gather up and head to the cemetery. We all joined in a small service with prayer and said our final good bye. Then we waited outside for the hearse and began the last journey. At the cemetery we all gathered and began the ceremony. At this time I noticed the sky was getting dark and the wind was picking up. There were no seats and no overhead covering. The two girls cuddled up to me. I stayed to the back of the crowd. Not just because of the whole service, but because if the storm came up, I needed to be able to make a run for it fast.

I think the minister figured that something was coming and moved the service along. Soon we were back in our cars and headed to the hotel where they had a luncheon set up for the family. The restaurant was called Moose River. Seemed fitting for the crowd it was about to recieve.

One of the things my cousins and I chatted about was playing hide and seek in my grandmas house. Upstairs in one of the bedrooms was another little hidden room. It wasnt such as hidden that you didnt know it was there. Just wasnt used anymore and the door was painted to match the walls. This was once my great grandmas bedroom. Not its just a room with an old bed and storage stuff. My grandma didnt like all the stuff my uncles had hanging around the house. Especially the trophies of their hunts. I never knew where they all went. But I was soon about to find out. I decided that the room would be a great place to hide. I opened the door, snuck in and closed it. Since I hate the dark, I hit the light switch and was greeted by about 20 pairs of eyes staring at me. Eyes that had heads but no bodies. And horns. Big horns, little horns. I was scared out of my mind. I also remember not being able to move except for the screams that came out of my mouth. I lost at hide and seek that day for sure. I never went into that room again. That also went for the dining room with the lynx rug that was laid out on the table. With the head raised up and those eyes staring at me.

Now we sit in this restaurant that has the walls covered in hunting and fishing things. I should also add a couple of heads on the walls. Moose. Not that its any different than other restaurants I have been to that have the same stuff. It was just the company I was with and the giggles from my cousins when they reminded me of the past. We had the laughs about it and then moved on to lunch. But it was in the back of my mind that these heads are now watching me eat. Guess those meatballs werent going to be as good as I thought they would be.

While lunch was going on and we all chatted and visited, there were three tvs on around the room. On the tvs were various news channels reporting on the weather from the day before. I learned that about 45 minutes away from where we were, there were tornadoes. Yes, that storm that followed me home the night before contained tornadoes. They reported that in Syracuse, there were 260 cloud to ground lightning strikes in 10 minutes. Holy cow. There was a lot of damage. Trees down and houses torn apart. And guess what? It was happening again. More serious storms were coming. We decided that it was time to head for home. We all hugged, cried and promised to stay together no matter what. Soon we were on the road home.

Later that night, I was watching the news on line and tracking the storms on various weather sites. Those were more nasty storms and causing more damage. And yes, more tornadoes. The next morning I checked the sites for storm reports and that area was hit again. This time closer to me from Utica. Herkimer county reported tornado damage. Binghamton also reported tornadoes. This was insane. Im glad that I was able to make it home in one piece. Of course the storms did hit here but werent as strong. North of here got the worst part of it.

Good thing I live in a house of bricks and no longer in the house of sticks.

Game Over...

Game Over...

I spent the great part of last night with a pair of head phones on listening to every broadcast about bin Laden. I watched the Presidents speech on line. I was still in a bit of shock about the news and really wasnt sure it was real. I was waiting for someone to come on and announce that the DNA didnt match or something. It was too easy. The battle wasnt easy though and was almost foiled. But the mission was complete and all forms of DNA were settled as 100% accurate and that it was him.

My fears now are more attacks for revenge or attacks done in his honor. How weird is it when a world just cant find some sort of peace? There is always a whack-job waiting around the corner that just isnt happy enough with what he has. If its not bin Laden, then it will be someone else. My thoughts, prayers and deepest sympathies go out to all those families that were affected by what has happened. Some are accepting this justice and some are not. Some already accepted what happened and have tried to move on. Now they relive the horrors. This wont go away any time soon, if at all.

It just seems that history keeps repeating itself over and over. I wont get into the religion of it all. I wont get into the politics of it all. I just think that its mindless and childish. There are more people out there that will suffer for this. Some that remain hidden because of who that man was. One of his sons was trying to turn the tables on what was going on and to get the people to listen that he wasnt one of his fathers minions. His life will be forever in a hell that no one wants to live in.

I watched the news last night seeing all the people at the Whitehouse and in NYC cheering in the streets. What were they really cheering for? I was thinking about it last night and all day today. A lot of those people out there were very young. Some were just children when 9/11 happened. These people have never known a life without a war going on. I looked at my daughter today and saw that same thing. Then I thought to myself, have I ever lived without a war going on somewhere? This is what I mean about history repeating itself. There is always someone out there that doesnt like someone else. But these people cant seem to get past it and move on. You live your life and I will live mine. Im not breathing down your back trying to make you believe in what I believe in. Why are you doing that to me?

Once again, Im not going to get deeper into that topic because its just not worth any arguments. Im just glad that this particular nightmare is over.

But the worst could be coming.

Saturday, April 30, 2011

Ego Damage Part 2....

The trip out was quite eventful. Firstly, we didnt take the make route. I hate driving the thruway. That is just nuts to me. Yes, it is the faster way to go but I prefer the road off the the side that runs along the whole route to where I need to go. I dont have to worry about cars on my ass or trucks flying around me. Im more relaxed on the country road. I can look at the houses and the small towns along the way. With the thruway, its all fly by and nerve racking. Plus I can stop in the towns to stretch and walk a little and plenty of places to use a bathroom or get a drink. And its much cheaper for gas and such. Some people reading this will understand my issues with thruway rest area bathrooms. Eeewwww.

There are a lot of sites that I like to see along this route. Houses that I like to look at. Most of these towns have old victorian houses that I love and would dream of having as my own. The view is up much higher than the thruway at some points and the view of the Mohawk Valley is beautiful. I make the same amount of time as I would on the highway as I do on the side road. Just better and more relaxing.

We got into town at about 230pm. Not bad timing. We went to the cemetery to see what was there and where my aunt would be buried. We couldnt find the spot as they hadnt dug it up yet. But we needed to take some time as the viewing wouldnt be til 4pm. We stopped off to BK again to get a drink and use the bathroom. Cami needed to change her clothes too. She always brings a change of clothes in case she gets car sick. Shes known for that. So she wore regular clothes up and changed into something suitable for the funeral home. By the time we got settled and back on the road, it was almost 3pm.

I thought for sure we would head to one of the relatives house first before the funeral home. But my father wanted to go straight in. I told him we wouldnt be allowed to go in til 4pm. He didnt seem to understand this. Yes, we are family but the immediate family would be in early for something more private before everyone else showed up. This immediate family would include her sons and her husband. Yes, siblings were immediate family but this was something different for them. Not us. Its only out of respect for them that we remain outside til 4pm.

The sun was getting hot so I parked in the back lot area. We could see the side parking lot and would see who came in after us. Soon, my cousins and uncle showed up. They went right in and I once again had to tell my father to stay put. Let them have their private time first. They still had to do a final meeting with the funeral directer and the minister first. He wasnt thrilled but remained in the car.

He remained til about 345 and then needed to use the bathroom. I cant say no because I needed to as well. So we went up to the door and they let us in after asking if we were family. He still didnt understand this. But anyway, after all, the time he takes using the bathroom would put us past 4pm. So we went in and did what we needed to do. I had to fix my makeup because my allergies caused my eyes to burn and run. Im not vain. I just prefer to look good.

Upon entering the room where we would have the viewing, my cousin David jumped up and gave me a hug. We hadnt seen each other since we were kids. When I spent my weekends at grandmas, he and his brother were always there and were my closest friends. We did everything together. It was so great to see him. Of course now we are in our 40s. He lives in Dallas and his brother lives in Buffalo. Mark came over and hugged me too. I was just as much in tears for this moment as I was when I went to my aunts casket. I come from a huge family on that side and there are a choice few that I was able to grow up with and play with. I was hoping more of those cousins would be there tonight.

I met the wives of my two cousins and we hit it off right away. Cami met Marks daughter and off they went to a corner to play video games and talk and get to know each other. They were fast friends. David and I chatted about the old times. Mark joined in with all the stories of things we did when we were kids and the trouble we always got into. We talked about how everything at my grandmas house was the same. Two of my uncles lived there with her and remain there. We laughed more than we cried. Soon other family members came in and we all gathered in groups to chat. Most I havent seen since I was a child but it was like time never seperated us. We picked up where we left off. It was great.

Time was ticking down and it was getting after 6pm. I asked my father what he wanted to do and he said he wasnt feeling all that well and wanted to go home instead of getting a room. He doesnt like hotel rooms and neither do I. But the thought of driving two hours home and then back again in the morning was a bit much. But thats what he wanted and who was I to argue.

We left at about 630 with the promise to return in the morning. On the way out, we ran into my Uncle David. I was wondering why he wasnt there with my other uncle and cousin. He said that he was told that the viewing was at 7 to 9pm. I said no, it was 4 to 7pm. So he ran in and said he would see us in the morning. Not like we hadnt seen him recently. We had lunch with him a few days earlier when we came up with my sister. So all was well and we left the funeral home.

The sky was looking a little unsettled and I had heard thunder earlier when we were inside. I wasnt looking forward to the drive home and I was hoping it wouldnt storm and we would make it before dark. Back out onto the side route and I was ready to beat the clock. I know I should have taken the thruway home though. We would have made faster time. But driving on that in a storm wasnt on the top of my thrill list for the day. I had a headache from the pollen and wasnt in the mood to fight traffic.

I could see the storm clouds to the west and they didnt look inviting. I could hear the thunder and see the lightning. This was the picture all the way home. For the next two hours, I was in a panic to make it home before dark and stay ahead of that storm. It looked to be pretty bad. I made it home with about an hour to spare before the storm hit. It was another long sleepless night with the lights on.

Ego Damage....

Once again, I havent blogged in a while. Im not getting lazy. There has just been a lot going on here lately. The weather has been insane. I feel bad and pray for those down south. They got slammed more than a few times too many. Mother Nature has some serious issues. She needs to cool her crap.

We all know that Im scared to death of thunder storms. Its not the thunder. Its not the lightning. Its the chance of damage, fire and power outages. Im scared of the dark. I admit it. Im terrified of what I cant see. If I ever go blind, Id go insane. Its it night time and the power goes out, I panic. If Im not near a flashlight or something, I sit where I am and I cry. Im not ashamed to admit this but its true. Im a blubbering baby.

A couple of weeks ago, my aunt had a stroke. She has been suffering major health issues for years now but this was the major deal. It left her paralized and unable to speak. She passed away last Sat. Being that she was living in PA at the time, I didnt expect a funeral so fast. I was expecting it later in the week. Come Monday, I told my boss to expect that I would be out for a couple of days. The funeral would be out of town and Im sure my father would want to get a couple of hotel rooms. You figure on the viewing and then the funeral on two seperate days.

At about 2pm on Monday, I got a call from my father that the viewing was on Tuesday and the funeral on Wednesday. So I let them know and I went to see my father when I left work. We had some plans to make and no time to make them. We decided that we would go to the viewing and see about a room then. Ok.

The past couple of days before that, the weather wasnt being too kind. We had some storms and the ones down south seemed tobe heading my way. I wasnt thrilled about having to be two hours away from home and dealing with storms. I dont like to drive long distances as it was. Doing it in the rain only adds to my misery.

I had spent Sunday night up all night with the storms. I had my flashlight with me in bed and was watching tv til I fell asleep with the lights on. I deal with it better during the day and I dont mind watching the storms. The previous Wednesday we had a nasty one too. I was on my way to my fathers house when the skies opened and a crack of lightning came straight down close to me. That made me scared enough but I wasnt going to be driving out to Utica that day. My sister was going to do the driving. Considering that the storms come from west to east, we had a nice day out there. It was storming here though.

Now its my turn to drive out there. I wasnt thrilled. On Tuesday morning, I got up early, went to my fathers house and picked him up. We had to go to Albany to the VA for his cancer treatment meeting. He has been having some major issues with the radiation treatments. Hes been refusing to get them because of the method they have to use. Meaning he has to lay down on the table with the donut rotating above him. He doesnt like this and panics and they refuse to take him out til the treatment is over.

This time Im going to be there to talk to the doctor about this and see if there is another way he can get the treatments without feeling trapped and scared in the machine. He can take the treatment but cant take the time they use to line everything up. He has serious breathing problems and laying flat makes this worse for him. He cant breathe and therefore panics even more.

They sat with us and we talked about other options. There is another machine that is open and he would be elevated a little but the treatment itself will take more than the ten minutes the other machine offered. We agreed to try this option. So they took him into the room and laid him on the table. They marked the board for him and where the treatment spot would be set up for this other machine. He felt a little better by this. We shall see about it next week when he starts the treatments again.

After that we went to BK for something to eat. Once that was done, we stopped at his place for anything he needed for the trip to Utica. Then we stopped at my house to do the same. At about 1pm, we were on the road headed west. The sky was clear and it was starting to get warmer out. It was going to be a good trip.