You think you're sew smart.

Monday, September 11, 2006

You think you're sew smart Ok for once that wasnt a typo. Imagine that one. Anywho, this about my fun times with what I will call the demon machine from hell. Thats right. The ever so popular invention called a sewing machine. First I will take you back to my early years in 8th grade home-ec class. We had to learn to sew. I had already learned this fantastic lesson in life from my mom and grandma. Why would I need to learn it in school? I will tell you why. Because it requires you to use a machine to do it all for you. This wonderful invention that can sew buttons has caused me more problems than I care to count. Well I can sew just about anything and just about any stitch by hand. I think I have been taught well. But as a pre-teen I get to sit here in front of a machine that I know nothing about. I dont care how many times the teacher has explained to me how to put the thread on this thing, I will never get it right. I went through this class making projects that wowed my peers. My work was featured in the front hall. That was an achievment sought by all who enter there. But it was all done by hand. Thats right, I cheated. Beat me with a stick, I dont care. I cheated. I actually had a friend distract the teacher so that another friend could thread my machine for me. And what do you think I got for that? Eight stitches. Yep. Eight of them. Right up through my thumb. Im so happy that I was working with black fabric at the time or my project would have a funky tie-dyed look. But it did score me some sympathy points from my teacher. I was allowed to sew by hand for the rest of the year. Im thinking she was more afraid of an insurance issue over me. Not like I can sew my fingers together and get a good grade. So now this new issue has come up years later. My sister is a sewing whiz. She can thread and use any machine you put in front of her. So when it came time to sew new drapes or to hem up jeans, she was the one I called. She would come over and set up her fancy schmancy machine and zip right to work. I on the other hand stayed well clear of that bobbing needle doing 1000 mph. I know what to expect should I come near it. It would hurt like hell. Well now comes the problem. My sister moved clear across the state. My mom used to sew stuff for me when I was still living at home but her machine broke many years ago and she never had the need for a new one. But what do you think she did? Yep, you guessed it. She bought a machine for me. Not just any machine. Nope. This one has all the functions I could ever dream of. It even does monograms and 17 different stitches. But there was one problem. Im scared to death of it. Yes this little man made mechanical piece of plastic and metal scares me. I received it as a Christmas gift and ooooed and ahhhed over it. I love it. Just so long as it stays sealed in the box. But a week ago I came across a major problem. My daughter needed some jeans done for school. Mind you that she is tall for her age but she also has a gut that requires me to get her pants at a size that is too long for her. Almost 6 inches too long to be exact. I very well cant just fold them up 4 times as that looks ridiculous. I also very well cant sit there for the next month sewing them by hand. What am I to do? I called up mom for help. Mom can you please come to my house and sew these pants? Nope. Damnit. But she did agree to come. To show me how to use my fancy schmancy sewing machine. Oh the agony of this. Well to me it was. To her it was just being a mom. So I sit at my table with her and open the box. Sweat is pouring down my back as I look at this brand new machine that Im sure is the work of Satan himself. Im almost tempted to go get me a pair of steel gloves. My mom thinks Im crazy. Shes finding alot of humor in this. Now you know where I get it from. So here I sit with this machine in front of me and I have no idea what to do next. I ask her and you know what she says to me? She has the nerve to tell me to look in the instruction booklet. I questioned that thought and thats when I realized something. The machine she used didnt have all these extra goodies. Hers didnt have a computer setting. Well damn, now what do I do? First she tells me to look it up on how to thread a bobbin. Now I know what this is but I have no clue how to do this. I look it up in the book and the instructions look fairly simple. Yep, you put the thread spool on one peg and you put the empty bobbin on the peg next to it and you push the foot pedal Well let me tell you something. The instructions were wrong. I hit that pedal and the tread went in every direction but around that bobbin. It was a mess. All knotted up and I wasnt too thrilled. So I gathered another spool of thread and tried again. This time I hit the pedal slow and it started to go around the bobbin. Whoohoo. Im doing it right. Wrong. Another big mess of a knot. I pulled the bobbin off and got it all untangled and rewrapped around the spool. I mean jeeze, how hard can this be? Little old ladies do this all the time. I look at my mom and I can see the amusement on her face. Yeah but you know what? I dont see her taking over this task. Nope, shes just as clueless as I am. So I try this again. And once again the bobbin is a knotted mess. Im glad the machine came with two bobbins because this one ended up somewhere in the other room. Im sure I will find it someday. I go back and look at the instructions again. What possesed me to turn the page, I will never know but you know what I saw? Pictures of how to do it. Well damnit, why dont the pictures look anything like the instructions. The instructions said nothing about wrapping the thread around a hook on the other end of the top of the machine. Well Duh... Why didnt I think of that? Well maybe because I-dont-know-how-to-do-this-and-neither-does-the-instruction-book. That very well could be the problem. So I look at the pictures and set it up as it shows me. I close one eye and hit the pedal. The thread starts spinning and wouldnt you know it, I have a threaded bobbin. Yay!!! I feel so proud of myself. Now mind you that an hour has passed and I still havent threaded the machine yet. Oh the joy of figuring this one out. Of course I smartened up to not reading the instructions but just looking at the pictures. Lets just say that putting the thread on was easy and only took me another hour. But putting that bobbin in the bobbin chamber was a whole 'nuther ballpark. What a stupid contraption that was. Made no sense to me what so ever. After some screaming and teaching my mom some new words, I was able to get it all set up. Ok, now comes the part I hate. Actually sewing the stitches into the material. I have everything set up and measured on her jeans but now Im in a panic. I dont want to sew my fingers together again. That little lesson in life really scared me at such a young age. My mom is so patient though. Yet another thing I learned from her. But shes also very amused. She helps me guide the needle up and line it all to where its supposed to be. I guess thats the one thing that all sewing machines do have in common. Needle placement. I drop the boot thing as she calls it and she says for me to hit the pedal. I hit the pedal very slowly. She tells me now to put it in reverse to seal the stitch. Reverse? How do you do that? I dont see a shifter on this thing. So once again I open the instruction book up and wouldnt ya know it, its a little button that I push on the side of the machine facing me. Its all by itself. So thats what that thing is for. While Im at it, I also check to make sure that my stitch setting is where it is supposed to be. I want to just sew a straight line, not put her initials on the cuff. Nor do I want 50 button holes. This machine will be the death of me yet. So now that it is all set up and ready to go, I hit the pedal and push the reverse button. Backwards it goes. Very cool. So I release the button and once again Im moving forward. One thing that I forgot was to let the machine move the fabric and I just guide it to make a straight stitch. I had that part ok but I forgot that Im sewing a pant leg and I need to move the whole item with the machine. Yep, I ended up twisting the fabric around the bottom of the machine arm. But I was able to get the whole thing sewn the way I wanted it. I feel so proud. I pull the fabic off the machine and cut the thread. I left plenty like my mom told me to do. That way the needle doesnt come unthreaded. This isnt so bad. After I finished with both legs on that pair, I grabbed the second pair. I zipped right through the process and finished them in no time flat. On to the third pair. I got the first leg done and was working on the second leg when I realized that I had sewn around the leg twice and yet there was no stitches on it. What? Well guess what? Dummy me forgot to leave the extra thread and the needle came unthreaded. Ok I can laugh about that now. And I can also put the thread back in. I got four pairs of pants done and the job is finished. Im feeling pretty darn accomplished. So now my mom says, what about that blanket that you've been wanting to make? Well jeeze mom, let me do one project at a time. I put everything away and the machine back in the box. But I was smart. I left it threaded so that when I need to use it again, it will be already. If I need to change the color of the thread, I can just match it to the way I have it now. Will I be using it any time soon? I doubt it. I still prefer to sew by hand and I wont have mom here to laugh at me next time.