This past week really bites.....

This past week really bites......

In more ways that one. Its been really stressful for me. My daughter got in some trouble at school and Ive been bonkers about it since. I know as a parent I should be really concerned and I truely am. But I also work there as well so that puts me on the spot for my job. I wont mention too much about it because it is a privacy issue. I will just post up about my side of it all. So any disclaimers are for myself and my child only.

The other day, I was taking my kids out to the playground after lunch. I see her walking in and her head is down. Shes being escorted by one of the teachers that was "acting" principal while the real one was at a conference. Im not liking what I see though. I stopped in the hall and asked her what was up and she pulled away from me. I looked at the man walking her in and he said he would talk to me about it later and that everything was ok for the moment. Ok, this is making it much worse because I cant just drop everything and go with them. I have a class to deal with first.

I head out to the playground and there I was met with one of the lunch aides and she filled me in on what happened. Apparently a boy came up to Cam and was teasing her. She had a feather in her hand that she wanted to show one of the staff and give it to her. Yes, my daughter has a heart like this. Always giving to others. According to everyone involved, the boy then took the feather and tried to rip at it and threw it on the ground. Im sorry, but that would piss me off too. Now remember that we are dealing with 7 year olds here. Cam tried to get it away from him and he kept pushing her away from it. This was hurting her to the point of anger and apparently she grabbed his arm that had the feather and she bit it. Yep. She bit his arm. She did it to get him to drop the feather.

This is a serious issue because now the boy is on the groun in tears and she got her feather back. Now Im not saying that what she did was right but he relaly should have left her alone in the first place. Its just like a dog. Take away his toy and tease him, hes going to hurt you. But this is not the way she should have handled it. Damn I wish I was out there just a few mintues sooner. I could have stopped this before it got this far. Its really upsetting me.

I got my kids back in after recess and now its my lunch break. I head to the office and there she is in one of the seats outside the principals office. Not exactly where I want to see my own kid. Especially when Im there working. Doesnt look good for either of us. I spoke to her and also to the "acting" principal and got the stories out. Im in tears. Shes in tears and he is very confused as to how to handle it. He said that she would have to sit in the detention room and that the principal would have to handle it the next day herself. Oh wonderful. I can hardly wait.

So I deal with it the best I can and I didnt want to deal with it with her dad. I could see the roof landing four blocks away as it is. So that night I fretted and paced. I talked to a few friends about it and they all told me not to worry too much and that everything will be ok. I believe that. Truely I do, but I still am seeing this from a moms point of view. Yeah when I got in trouble, which was only a couple of times, my mom was harsh on me. She never spanked me or anything. Just a mad or upset look was enough for me. I hated hurting my mom or disrespecting her. To me that wasnt right. Guess thats just how I was raised. And I also raise my child that way too.

So here I am dwelling on the next day. Im not thrilled. I cant afford to take a day off without pay so that I can sit home with her because she got suspended from school. I think it wouldnt have been so bad but she did break the skin. Yeah we went through the whole bacterial bull with her and how gross it is to put your mouth on someone else. Hey, shes only seven so that doesnt apply to her. I dont want her kissing boys yet. Hell, I dont want her kissing anyone. Well at least until her fist date. Which should be somewhere around age 30. Well Christopher is ok because I know hes a good boy. And so darn cute.

She even went through that little talk with the school nurse. The biting part. Not the kissing part. But that would be amusing. I will have to remember that when I talk to her the next time. Not Cami, but the school nurse. She will find it amusing.

Anywho, Im sitting here at night thinking about what to do with the next day coming. Im not looking forward to it and I know it really wont be so bad but its still going to be bad enough. Its just something that I dont ever want my child to have to deal with. But she pulled the plug and she has to face the punishment. Shes asleep but Im not. I logged off the computer at about 145am and tried to sleep. It wasnt happening. I turned off the lights and crawled into bed. As soon as I laid down, I felt like my lungs collapsed. Damnit. I hate this feeling because I knew what was happening. I was having an panic attack. Its not often that I have these. I think in the past 10 years, I have had maybe 6 of them. But I know when they happen and I cant do a damn thing to stop them.

So I get up and turn all the lights on. Yeah real good for the electric bill huh? ANd I have the AC on and all the fans. So that adds to it. Who cares? I cant breathe!!!! And wouldnt you know it, I have to pee. For those of you that havebeen to my house know that my bathroom isnt the place you want to be during a panic attack. Its a tiny room thats about 5'x8'. Yeah that small. Its a watercloset. Literally. I can sit on the toilet, wash my hands and put my feet in the tub all at the same time. Fun times in there. Not so fun when you are trying to pee and the walls are closing in on you. I will just have to wait it out.

So I pace some more. I was thinking about going outside because its open and the air is cooler but in my neighborhood, thats just not a smart thing to do. If I go out front, I risk getting shot at or having someone mug me. If I go out back I risk getting shot at or some strange mutant animal wanting to make friends with me and no its not my dog. Shes the only mutant that I will be friends with. Oh wait. I have a few friends like that already. lol

So I thought, why not watch some tv. Yeah riiiight. Like what could possibly be on worth watching at 3am. Im not in the mood for infomercials. Even though they would bore me to sleep. Sleep isnt going to be happening for a while. So I flipped through the channels and what do you think is on? Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Oh joy. Just the weirdness that I needed while Im trying hard to breathe. So there I sit on the couch with Mindy. One of us breathing heavy and the other not hardly at all. Yeah we make a great pair to cuddle up with.

Also I should include that I have a serious fear of suffication so this makes it all the worse for me. So now that I cant breathe, I have that fear rising so now Im panicing that I cant breathe even more. This is so much fun. You should try it sometime. Oh, I should put in the disclaimer that you shouldnt try this at home huh? Too late.

Now mind you that Mindy has not seen me go through a panic attack before and its scaring her. Hell, its scaring me. But holly knew what to do because she saw it before. Mindy is whining and trying to lick my face. Not a good thing to be doing. I dont mind her kissing me but please, not my face. I cant have anything in my face at this time. Even if I was at the hospital they would try to put an oxygen mask on me. Not happening. I cant do it. It makes me panic even more. Stupid fears. The best thing for her to do is just lay down calmly next to me and let me pet and talk to her. Nope. Thats not happening. Shes bouncing all over because well, thats her. Plus shes concerned and doesnt know what to do. Hell neither do I but damnit, sit the hell down so I can relax.

Im watching this movie and quite frankly, I dont know how this didnt scare small kids. What the hell is up with that smile? I know its part of the movie but even my sarcasim is better than his. I think I like the old version better. I mean, the little orange men were a hell of alot less freaky. Ok, so this is entertaining me a little and Im relaxing. I decided that Ive done fairly well in calming down so I head back to bed. I turned the lights off but left the AC and the fans on. I went into my room and walked right back out. Not happening. I turn all the lights back on.

Now mind you that I still have to use the bathroom and its getting worse. Its now about 4am. I think that its now time to just tough it out. I go into the room and I go really fast. But then it dawns on me to take a ice cold shower to maybe jump start myself again. Its always worked in the past but thats when I wasnt living here and my bathroom was also 20 times this size. So anyways, I jump in the shower and the cold water feels really good. So Im cooling down and relaxing again. I stepped out and wrapped a warm towel around myself and headed back to the living room. Watched a little more tv and attempted to go back to bed.

I laid back down but this time I left the light on in my room. It helped. But when I laid down, that feeling was back again. I propped up my pillows and sat against the cold wall. I think I dozed off about 6 when the alarm went off at 630. Not good but I had no other choice. I got up and got her ready for school. Then I jumped back in the shower and got ready myself. Im feeling fairly well considering that I had no sleep.

Got to school and pretty much dreaded it all day. Cami was really good til about 1pm when someone came to my room and said that I needed to go see her. She was having a fit. One of the boys in the class was teasing her. And she reacted to it by getting angry. I cant leave my class right now so I called her dad to come in and take care of it. He came in and thats when the principal decided that it was a good time to call the meeting and discuss her punishment. Damn. I really didnt want to do this.

So I sat in the office listening to her talk about how to handle this and the fact that I shouldnt get involved in Cami's issues while in school. I should let someone else handle it and then be a parent after school. Ok I can agree with that. So we settled on something and she was handed the punishment of having to sit in the detention room all day the next day. Whew. That was a relief. And she can have her field trip if we decide that she can. Its up to us. Personally Im really not sure what to do about that yet. I signed the slip and turned in the money if it comes down that she can earn that trip back.

So all is relieved. But that night as I laid in bed, I thought about alot of things in life. I want so much more for her and to be able to be in a better environment. Its a great school but the neighborhood and some of the lifestyles of some of the kids isnt working for her. She is very sensative to alot of that. Then again, no one likes to be teased because we are different. Im not going to get into the reason I stated that. But its a matter of ratios. Sad I know but alot of kids dont understand it. I will work on her all summer with it.

About 5am though, I woke up with a shot of pain going through my left leg. Damn charlie horse to the back of my calf. Who the hell named it charlie and what does it have to do with a horse? I jump up out of bed and start running around in my kitchen. Gawd does this hurt. I have had cramps in the arch of my foot and a few of these in my calf but this one really hurts. Bad. Ok, Im wide awake now. Guess Im wearing sneakers to work.

Good thing that its a pay day and also its the start of a four day weekend for me. I really need this so that I can catch up on sleep and also it will be quiet. I can relax at the camp and totally block the city from my mind.

Im feeling better already. Oh and while I was typing this all out, there was 9 gunshots close by and the sound of sirens.

Yep. I need this weekend off really bad.