Purple Elephant....

Purple Elephants....

Not quite what to think about that one huh? Its a long gruesome story that I wont go into all the details of. Maybe.

After Cami was born, I was diagnosed with post pregnancy high blood pressure. Oh the joys of that. So yes I am on medication for it. Nothing too serious but enough that I cant have certain things. So the topics of birth control kept coming up and I was told strictly that I cant have one with a hormone as it will raise my blood pressure. So I was thinking, what else is out there besides something made from latex and could pop. Not what I wanted at the time. Also not that I ever wanted to have sex again after what she did to me but there was always that chance that I might. But I didnt want any more kids. And I wasnt mentally ready to be permanently fixed.

So my doctor suggested Mirena. I did the research for over a year because I had heard all of the horror stories about an IUD. But this wasnt like those old ones from the 70s. This was something much different. So I checked it all out with people who have it and also went through all the sites I could find on the internet. I really couldnt find too much wrong with it so I went ahead with it. It went in fairly smoothly with just some minor discomfort for about an hour or so. It should be removed in 5 years. Ok. No big deal.

I didnt have any problems with Mirena at all. Those five years came and went and it was time for removal. But the scary thing is, the doctor that inserted it wont be the one to remove it. I had to change doctors. But I already posted about that so Im not going through that story again.

So I made the appointment with the new doctor and went it to be evaluated. Had the annual exam and we talked about all the options available to me. He also suggested something called Essure but, once again, Im not mentally ready to be "fixed". So we went with getting another Mirena inserted. The next appointment was for that.

That appointment came and I went in thinking that this was going to be an easy process. Remove the old and insert the new and send me home with some pain meds. So up in the stirups I went. Crap, I think I forgot to shave my legs that morning. Oh well. He will just have to deal with it. I did leave my socks on because those stirups are cold. Even with the pads on them.

He went in for a look and then asked me how long it was in there. I told him the normal five years like it said. He then told me that there might be a problem. Thats when all the bells and whistles went off and I started to panic. But Im not showing my panic because right about then, the pain hit me like a brick wall. This was not going to be an easy deal like I had thought. Breathe. Long deep breaths. Nope, the pain is still there.

He said that because of my difficult pregnancy and delivery of my daughter, my uterus became misshapen. Somehow the lining grew around the Mirena and now it is lodged into the wall of my uterus. Oh this is not good. He went through each step with me because he knew it wasnt going to feel good. Ya know, he was right. It was hurting like hell. He had to peel away the lining from the device slowly. In one area he had to cut the thing out of the uterus. Ouch would be a minor word for it and it wasnt even in my vocabulary that day. But I kept quiet as to not scare away my new doctor. My old doctor was used to hearing what I had to say. Although I dont swear much, I do when Im in pain. I have a very high tolerance to pain too. So when I said that this hurt, trust me, it was screaming hurt.

He finally got it out and then sat to talk to me about what to do next. A pain killer shot would be nice. But then again, I would take any sort of shot right now. Whiskey was also an option. I didnt think he would have any handy at the office though. But one doesnt know that. It was worth a try and no he didnt have any.

The only option at the moment was to allow the area to heal before he did anything else. So he inserted a shaped balloon into my uterus to allow the area to heal and to reshape it in the process. He told me that we could try this again in a month to make sure that everything is back in working order. He also offered the Essure again to make sure that this doesnt happen again. I informed him again that I just wasnt ready for that. Im too young but I also dont want any more kids. Its my mental state. Its a female thing. Im not ready to call it quits. Weird, I know.

So he sent me home with some pain meds and a balloon in my uterus. So the joke went out that I was now pregnant with a balloon animal and my friends were making comments about a purple elephant or a pink poodle. Even a blue puppy and a dragon were thrown in there. I had to wait the month out and then call the doctor when my "friend" came to visit me and schedule something for a few days later.

So all month long I was feeling bloated with that damn thing inside me. I didnt overly exert myself for fear of it popping. I knew that wasnt going to happen but with my luck, I wasnt taking the chance. I felt miserable when "the time came" and it was worse than normal. Bloated and cramped. This sucks majorly. But I was on the mend and hoped that something good would happen soon. I think that might be short lived though. Nothing good comes out of having something ripped from your uterus.

So today was the appointment to have the balloon removed. I was up all night last night worrying about this. If there was going to be a major problem again, then I would consider the Essure just to be done with this whole crap. But that would also leave me with the real reason I needed birth control in the first place. I really needed it for regulation. So going permanent wouldnt stop that from coming and also wouldnt regulate me. This is so damn frustrating. The female body is so screwed up. Why cant we humans be more like seahorses. Not a question but more of a statement. We make eggs and the male has the uterus. But then again, the human male would never survive childbirth. They whine too much.

So I went to the doctor and sat in the waiting room. The clock ticking down was pissing me off because I just wanted to get it done and over with. The nurse came out to tell me that she was sterilizing everything and it would be a few more minutes. So I read through a few more magazines. I was also hungry and my tummy was growling. Bill had taken me there because I knew there was no way I was driving after this. Cami had the day off from school so she was there with her DS and she was being well behaved. I was just nervous. I wasnt sure what was going to happen this time.

After about a half hour, she called me in and brought me to the room. She took my vitals and talked to me about what they were going to do. Apparently the doctor had changed his mind about what he wanted to do and included the camera to go in and see what was up before he did anything else. Ok, I can deal with that. Ive had that done before and I knew this wasnt going to feel too well. But its what he recommended and I knew he was right.

So he put in the clamps and opened up my inner being for the world to see. Yeah that must have been impressive huh? Hey, I gotta have something to laugh at here. Oh right, laughing still hurts. So anyways, he put the camera in and told me to take a deep breath and then exhale because I was going to feel some slight discomfort. Slight? I beg to differ honey. That wasnt slight at all. But I tried what he told me and ended up holding my breath. So he let it sit there for a minute or two until the slight discomfort settled. It was feeling like my ass was filled with 5-alarm chili and exploding through my stomach. Seriously. It felt like severe intestinal cramping. Like I needed to use the toilet and it was going to be really soon. So of course your muscles tighten from the feeling and that sort of makes it all worse.

Then he said for me to turn my head and check things out. I could see what I looked like on the camera. Good gawd. Yeah thats what I wanted to see. Oh look, its my cervix. And the camera is moving. And we go through the cervix and into the uterus. This is like a really sick amusement park ride. You know, the ones where you watch it all on the screen and the seats move. Well my seat isnt moving and this is just way too weird. But cool at the same time.

So he moved the camera all around to make sure there was no scarring. He went up one tube and then went up the other. It was all in full color too on a nice Sony TV. What a show. So you know I had to make the comment about putting it on YouTube. But of course that was not going to happen. It was really cool to look inside though. I had never seen the inside of one before. Let alone my own. So now I know what it looks like and it did look comfy in there. Like a soft pink pillow. But it was also cool to see the fluids moving in there too. Not blood but just .... hmmm... how do I put this... Like water. Nothing gross and slimy. Just really cool to see. But it was all pink and soft and comfy.

Now that he took some pictures with the camera to put in my file, he felt confident that all was well and very healthy in there. Thats a good thing right? Yep, I agree. So now he needs to take the camera out. I know this isnt going to feel too well so I brace for it. Im not supposed to because that tightens up all the muscles. And the uterus is a muscle. So the slight discomfort thing is going to happen again. Pulling it out felt like my ribs were coming with it. The thing is, its not really a pain but more of a big cramp. Like the pain with a stomach virus. Like you feel when constipated. Its the only way I can describe it. I gave birth to a 12lb kid so this is nothing like that. But some local pain killers would have been nice.

Now he has to insert the new Mirena in there. This will be yet another tube going in and coming back out. But at least he was quick about it this time. Yeah it hurt and yeah I felt that slight discomfort again. I should tell him that he needs some new wording on this. There is no such thing about this slight discomfort thing. There is nothing slight about it at all. Its a big discomfort. Huge, in fact. Not slight in the least. But at least its over. Now I need to figure out how to sit up. He wanted me to lay down for a little while but that wasnt going to happen. I wasnt feeling like laying down at all. To do that would have made me feel worse. I cant lay on my back. So they helped me to sit up and I was told to breathe for a little while before getting up to walk. I agreed and sat there for a few minutes while the nurse went to get me some motrin. She gave me four. I wanted about five more but she said no. I tried.

So I got up and got dressed and sat back down in the chair for a while. I wasnt dizzy or anything but I wanted to use the bathroom. I didnt want to risk getting locked in there again so I opted to wait til I got home. It wasnt urgent or anything but that feeling of the cramp was still there and I thought that maybe using the bathroom would help relax the muscles in there. He then came back in to check on me and told me that he will be giving me some antibiotics to take and to come back in two weeks for a followup. Not a problem.

I gathered up my things and headed to the nurses desk for my script and to make the next appointment. I set that all up and he came out to ask me if I was still ok. I was but I wanted to just go home. He said to call him if I needed anything more or if things got worse. Not a problem there either. So I did what I needed to do and then made the slow trek to the car. Of course I have a sports car so I have to slide down in low and that bothered me a little. Of course I felt every bump on the way home and tried to just breathe through it. The Mirena part wasnt the pain, it was the removal of the balloon and the camera that did that to me. It was already sore before the Mirena went in.

When I got home, I immediately put on my ratty old sweat pants that are three sizes too big and laid down in bed. My daughter made me a sammich to eat and she was just wonderful. I love my baby so much. I slept for a couple of hours while she watched TV in bed with me. It was nice to cuddle her and for her to cuddle me. She knew I wasnt feeling well and she took care of me. I did get up for something to eat a little while ago and I might lay back down again. But the best thing for me is to move around and get the muscles to loosen up a bit. I am feeling better now.

Oh and it wasnt a purple elephant or a pink giraffe. It turned out to be just an orange balloon party hat. He he he...