Ughhh....Bugs

Bugs suck. Im more ways than one but they still suck. Im sure most of you remember the fun we had with Lots-a-Legs and Godzilla. At least you were having fun reading about it. I had to live it. Good thing I was in the bathroom already with Godzilla. That thing was enough to make me pee my pants.

Ive dealt with the whole bug thing because I pretty much have no choice. I live in a really old house. So there will be some other "tenants" around now and then. I try to avoid them as much as I hope they would avoid me. I even have the little electronic things plugged into every room to make them go away. It seems to work for the most part. At least the ones that crawl.

They can live outside all they want. They just need to stay away from me. Bugs play a very important part in the whole ecosystem. They pollenate and do all sorts of good things for the environment. Well except mosquitos. I still havent figured out what their purpose is except to suck the blood out of me and leave a nasty mark that just makes me want to itch it. Of course when I do, it just itches even more. Nastly little bastards. Oh and they are food for spiders. Christy, dont read that word.

So why am I posting about bugs again? Because today I was a bug magnet. It seems they like me. I dont think that they take hints very well. Hello? Bugs!! I hate you!! Go Away!! Yeah that was fun. Not like they would listen anyways. But this morning I got some revenge. Not much, but at least some. No, I dont get a thrill out of this. I get goose bumps.

A couple of more bugs that are completely useless are fleas and ticks. What are they for? What do they do besides suck the blood out of animals and people? Why cant the fleas and mosquitos get together and suck the blood out of each other? Oh yeah, they have to feed on me first. Nasty little bastards.

So this morning, I got up and went to the bathroom. Looking around at the ceiling, I see a couple of friends that are out for the morning peep show. They are way up in the corners so I cant get to them. As long as they stay up there, Im ok with it. So I left and started to do my chores. Yeah I consider dishes to be a chore. I hate doing them. I dont have a dishwasher. Oh yeah, I forgot that I do. Me. But anywho, I later have to use the bathroom again. And sure enough, they are still there. They must be sleeping.

Hmmmm.... Maybe while they are sleeping they wont notice me in the shower. So I quietly slip in and take my shower. No peep show for you today. Wrong. I swear they must know. I stepped out of the shower and they are gone. I looked around and didnt see them anywhere. They arent up on the ceiling above the shower. Thats a good thing because it hurts to shower while straining my neck around to see where they are. They have a tendancy to drop down for a closer look. I think they have learned not to do that because they know that I will drown them. Nasty little bastards.

So I figured that they went into a crack somewhere. No not mine. So Im wrapped up in my big fluffy towel and Im standing in front of my mirror brushing my hair. I have a little shelf just under my mirror where I put all my things that I will be using. I reached for my tooth brush and WHOA!! I guess I know know where they were hiding. Right on the wall behind the cup. One took off scurring up the wall and went into a crack near the ceiling. How he fit in there I dont know. He was quite fat. He must have been eating alot of mosquitos. For that I will let you live one more day.

The other, however, was brave. Brave little buggers dont survive. Go ahead and stand there staring. It gets you nowhere. Except wrapped up in a wad of toilet paper and flushed to the water gods. So I get my little wad of paper and go in for the kill. But hes not there. Damnit. Where did he go? I looked around everything. I still dont see him. I dont dare touch anything because he may be on it and that means I would have to touch him. That just doesnt happen. I will scream. And scream loudly.

But I had to move something. I know hes there hiding. So I moved my curling brush. Yep. There he was. He ran up the wall and tried to get away. Fast little one he is. I wonder what hes been eating. Hope it was good because he had his last meal. So he now changes direction and runs down the wall. Hes heading for my shelf unit in the corner. Oh no you dont. If I let him behind there, I will never catch him. So I grabbed more paper and cut him off at the pass. The light switch, anyways. Say good-bye Sam. *flush*

Ok, so now I can get back to what I was doing. I finished up in the bathroom and went out to my room to get dressed. I know there isnt anything in my room but a cat sleeping in her bed and the dog sleeping on mine. Im now dressed and ready to face my day.

I head back out into the kitchen to finish my dishes and I had one of the dogs dishes in the rack to dry. I filled it with clean water. I went over to her food spot to exchange it for the dirty one. I put the clean one down and just as I picked up the empty one, something moved. Oh gawd, here we go again. I put her water dishes on a towel. She has a tendancy to splash when she drinks.

What ever it was is now hiding in one of the folds in the towel. So I carefully fold the towel up even more and I carry it into the bathroom. Seems the porcelain god gets another treat today. I opened the towel and proceed to shake it out. Nothing fell in the bowl. Oh crap. I know I didnt drop him along the way. So I opened the towel wide and there it was, crawling all over the place. OMG its HUGE!!! Its one of those red Lots-A-Legs. I cant stand them. I start screaming while shaking the towel like crazy. Cami is behind me giggling. She thinks its funny so I told her to do it. She ran to her room. Smart girl.

A mom will protect her children. And to get rid of these bugs, is a way to protect my child. If I didnt, I would have to listen to her whine and cry about it. But she thinks its a great trip to watch me make a total ass out of myself. But this thing scares me. I really hate things with more than four legs. Something with six or eight is one thing. Something with a hundred is a whole new ball game. It freaks me out like nothing else.

So Im dancing around my bathroom with this thing scurrying all over the towel. It touched my hand a couple of times and I nearly peed my pants. What am I going to do with it? It wont come off the towel. So I laid the towel face down in the tub and turned the water on. I will have to drown it this way. I can see it moving under the towel. Should I take the plunger to it before I drown it? That way it wont run from the water. Im a cruel one huh?

Before I could grab the plunger, it comes out from under the towel and starts to run up the side of the tub. Why wont this thing drown? It knows how to swim. Crap. So I grabbed the cup on the sink and filled it with water. I dumped it on the bug and sent it back into the tub. Go down the drain!!! Nope, its crawling up the other side. So I dumped water on it again. I turned the tub off and put the water on in the sink. This worked because now it went down the tub drain with the water. Im waiting for it to come back up. Usually they do. But this time it didnt. I turned the tub water back on and let it run for a while. Bye bye.

Wow, what a morning this is turning out to be. I finished all my chores and its now about noon. The dog has to go outside again so I put my shoes on and head down the stairs. I opened the back door only to be greeted by Zoe. Her and Mindy take off running around for a little while. Both stopping for pit stops here and there. Good thing they can be friends. I really wasnt in the mood to seperate them. While they are both in the far back of the yard doing their business, I hear the door upstairs close and footsteps coming down the stairs. Cami steps out on the patio with me and we just wait for the dogs to finish.

Her: Mom, there is a bug flying around.
Me: There are alot of bugs flying around.
Her: This one is white.
Me: A white bug?
Her: Yeah.
Me: What is it?
Her: I dont know but its by your head.
Me: It wont hurt anything.
Her: *swatting* Its now by me.
Me: Kill it then.
Her: Ok
Me: Did you get it yet?
Her: No but it landed on your back.
Me: O_O
Her: Dont worry, I will get it.
Me: O_O
Her: *picks up thick stick* WHACK
Me: OWWWW
Her: Its dead now.

Flashbacks

Im stressed. Majorly stressed. But Im amused. I dont know why. Just feels that way. I was miserable last week. All my buttons werent pushed. They were ripped out, rewired and shoved back in. Oh and if my cat rubs up against my left without me knowing its her one more time.... Yeah it tickles and I jumped up out of my seat thinking some creepy crawly was on my leg. She usually sleeps under my desk while the dog is up on my bed. She just decided to venture out. I usually know when she does this but Im wearing shoes right now. Yeah, me wearing shoes. Imagine that one.

So last week I was miserable. Yep. Just flat out "pissy". But I seldomly show it. I get really quiet. But it was one of those kinds of miserable that you want to yell out that someone needs to get a heart before I cut it out. Yeah, that kind of miserable. I was completely derailed by a migraine that could possibly kill a cow. The kind where you go blind after seeing flashing lights. You cant lay down because it feels like your brain shrunk and detached itself from your skull. When you lay on your side, your brain comes crashing over and you can actually hear it. It makes this sloshing-bang sound. Oh, that could have been water in my ears. Oh well.

So I got through that day without seriously injuring anyone. Good thing that I wasnt driving huh? I would have had to put down my cell phone, put my drink between my legs, and put the CD case on the passenger seat just so that I could flip someone off with both hands.

Well my latest stress is getting my website up and running. This is really taking a toll on me. Ive been stressing about this for a while. At least two years. See the thing is, I make jewelry. I started this out as a stress relieving hobby. Can you see that now? Stress relieving but its driving me insane to get it up on a public website. I need to start selling because all I do is keep buying. I have enough beads and goodies to make hundreds of things. I have about 100 of them ready for sale but I need to get some decent photos done. So in the mean time, I just keep making things.

About a month ago, I decided to start this ball rolling. It was about 98F outside and the humidity was sweltering. But I trudged all my stuff out to the back yard and set up a little display. It was so hot that the sweat was running down my back and into my shorts. Yeah that was a fun feeling. Not to mention that it was pooling in the bottom of my bra. Not sure if the twins were swimming or not but they were sure floating. Ok, no funny cracks about doing the breast-stroke.

So I have my little display set up on a white resin chair. So for me to put the jewelry on there and take the photos, I have to be in the constant squatting position. I dont dare stand up because my shorts are wet. This isnt a pretty sight. And you would think that the bugs flying around would understand that I need to get these shots done. But nooo. Inconsiderate little bastards. Im not feeding you today so go away.

I got about 30 photos done and I gave up. I was soaked with sweat and it wasnt feeling too good in my shoes now. I took all my stuff back upstairs. I have the airconditioning on and it was like walking into an artic freezer. Felt pretty darn good. I took a shower though. Cant stand the feeling of frozen sweat. Once that was done, I sat down and downloaded the pictures. They came out really good. Plain, but good. Then I noticed that there were alot of shadows on them. Im not pleased.

So now I decide to retake them. I want some more props as well. So for the past month, Ive been hunting down ideas to use. I bought some shells and some coral. I bought some material in black, tan, white and light blue. Today I went to the pet store and grabbed some driftwood. Wasnt exactly what I wanted though. I just couldnt afford the $40 for the really cool stuff. But what I got was nice enough to do the trick. Mmmmmmmmmmmm orange jello. Sorry, I got hungry. I had some green jello with pineapple in it but I ate it all. Oh and me and Christy are chatting about pineapple on hams. Now Im really hungry. Go read her blog. He he he....

So my retakes will be done inside with some serious spotlights. Ya know, to get rid of the shadows. So I set up the kitchen table with my display and turned on the spotlights. Holy cow do these things put off some serious light. Not to mention heat. I can heat my house all winter with these. Or at least get a good tan. Where is DB when you need him. I need some SPF and my shades.

So I get some photos taken and I decided that I didnt like them. So I rearranged the display. Took some more. Didnt like it. Rearranged it again. Im using dog food cans under the material to set this up. Yeah it was amusing. But after a few shots, I noticed that my faucet is in the background too. Ok, this isnt working. So I take it all apart and redo it all again. This time they are coming out really nicely. After I do all the necklaces and sets, I took the whole thing apart and then set it up to do all the bracelets. The display of shells was beautiful. All in all I took about 70 final shots. I was sitting in a chair the whole time. By now my ass is soaked in sweat again from the heat beams above my head.

I turned off the lights and went into my room to download the shots. Damnit. They all suck. They came out with a "musty" look. Im not happy about this. So tomorrow I will retake them outside again but with all the shells and driftwood displays. I prefer the natural light and the colors will be much truer and brighter.

But at least with the spotlights, there werent any shadows.

I nearly choked

I tried to make this into a link but it just wouldnt work.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CTxkxG3DF4k

Ho Ho Ho....

Another week in review post. Sorry about that but there just wasnt enough time to do everything day by day. Plus I was struck by lightning. I was. I really was.

I know I will end up forgetting something. I always do. Thats why Im supposed to do this every day. But I dont. And thats when I pretty much forget things.

Lets start out with Saturday the 14th. This is a special day. Whats so special about it? Well its not that movie that they put out in the 80s. Yeah, remember that one? I watched it a few times because it was just stupidly funny. But anywho, its not that. Its Christmas in July at the camp. Its that wonderful time of the year that Santa shows up and all the kids come running out of the pool to see him.

Usually he comes shows up in a decorated golfcart. Every year, Cami is the one to be at the cart to greet him. Sometimes even before it stops. Strange that shes the only one to do this though. But anyway, this year was a little different. But let me start at the beginning. I always seem to get ahead of myself.

I was informed the night before that my mom and Mouse werent going to be there because they had a party to go to. Then I was told that they would be there til about one in the afternoon. So I asked what time Santa was showing up. They said at 11am. Ok. That gives me plenty of time to get there and help set everything up. Now mind you that everyone really gets into the decorating of this. We have Christmas in July because the campground closes in the middle of October. We have all the holidays early so that everyone can enjoy them. Halloween this year is at the end of Sept and Thanksgiving is Oct 6th.

So I get up early and pack up the truck. This has to be done without Cami knowing because I have to keep her gift hidden. We then give the gift to the people setting the rec hall up for Santa. What do you mean we have to do the gift? What? There is no Santa? No no no... The real Santa only comes in December. Sheesh.

About 9am we are ready to go. I have the gift on the front floor of the truck, covered in a blanket. Shes in the back seat singing to her CD player. Quite entertaining for the ride down. It takes about an hour to get there. Usually we stop to see the horses but there is no time this time.

We pull into the campground about 10:15am. I had to take an alternate route because of the traffic jam to the Country Fest. I would have loved to have gone to that instead. So I pulled up at the camp and I noticed that Mouse and his son were working on the blue golfcart. You know, the one that I painted to be like the LA Dodgers one. Well the logo that I painstakenly painted by hand is gone. The blue LA hat that I went through hell to get is gone. Well not gone, but it isnt on the cart anymore. Then I happened to look over at my moms cart and there it was. Bolted to the roof of that one. Ok. Im confused.

So I parked the truck and got out. I asked Mouse what was up with that because moms cart was supposed to have the Niners football helmet on top of it. Please dont ask about that. LOLOL Its actually a metal lid to a charcoal grill used for tailgate parties. Its huge though. But we have it painted gold and dark red. Waiting for me to hand paint the logos on that.

Well anywho, he tells me that he sold the blue one to his son and that mom gave him the white one instead. I nearly crapped my pants. Mom would never give up her cart. That thing is awesome. Its really a clay cart with 4x4 suspension and everything. Big tires too. Its like the monster trucks of golfcarts.

Then he tells me that mom bought a new one for herself. I looked around and I was stunned to see what she got. I wont even tell you. I will just link you. There are no words to describe it other than what I posted on the board.

http://scifistraightdope.com/index.php?showtopic=1744&st=40

I love my mom. She has the coolest toys.

So anyways, I have to get this gift up to Santa without Cami knowing. My mom also got her something. So I took my moms gift and snuck out to the truck and packed it with the one I got for Cami. Now how the hell am I going to get this up there without Cami knowing? I grabbed the blanket with the gifts wrapped inside and told Cami that Im going to deliver the blanket to someone that needed it for something. Yeah, that should work. So I grab the keys to the new cart and off I go. I get up to the rec hall and they arent even fully set up yet. Its now 10:30. Come on guys, get it moving.

So I had to come all the way back with the gift. Damnit. This isnt going to be easy. So I grabbed my mom and I put the blanket on the back seat. Cami was in the middle and we went back up to the rec hall to help them finish. Now that we are back up there, I have to get the gift inside without Cami seeing it. That wasnt an easy task, but I was able to do it. She was distracted with showing the new cart off to all her little friends.

Now its time for Santa to come. All the kids are signed in. Those that didnt have gifts brought from home will have something. Mouse donated alot of toys for this. He does every year so that every kid gets something. Well we are waiting. And we are waiting. Where the hell is he? Its now 11:30. Everyone is getting impatient. So are the kids.

Then we hear a horn honking. Here comes Santa. He is being pulled in a trailer that is being towed by a pickup truck. At least this is more classier than a golfcart. They have the trailer all decorated. I will bet that is why he is late. It must have taken forever for the elves to blow up all those balloons.

So the truck pulls up and sure enough, there goes Cami. She jumps right up into the trailer with him. Seems there are cameras flashing everywhere. Oh wait, that was mine. Anyways, he gets out and makes his way to his chair and starts calling out the names. Mind you that there are kids running in from the pool. Poor Santa gets soaked every year. But Im sure its cooling for him because usually its so hot. You would think he would be smart and have some red bermuda shorts or something.

Well as the presents are being called, Cami is getting a little frustrated that hers isnt up yet. I can see her gift sitting up in the little sleigh. Im waiting with my camera too. Finally, her name gets called and Im already up there waiting to take the picture. Now mind you that everyone in the place knows who she is. So when her name was called, everyone cheered. She struts up to Santa as proud as can be.

As soon as she breaks from the crowd of kids and Santa sees her, he starts to laugh. This is a different Santa than the previous years because the old man that did it wasnt feeling too well. So another camper is doing it this time. But this one is new to this game with Cami. As I said, he started to laugh. Then as she reached him, he said "You again?" I nearly busted out laughing. Oh wait for it Santa, you are in for a ride now. So she slides up on his lap and gives him a big hug. He hands her the gift. We all take pictures and off she goes. But before she leaves, she hugs him again and tells him thank you.

When all is said and done and all the kids got their gifts, Santa returns to his "sleigh". But not before Cami nails him again for another hug. Then off she goes with her friends to see what they got. He stops by to talk to me and mom and tells me what a great little girl I have because she was the only one that thanked him. I said thank you to him myself and said that there will be a thank you letter coming from her. But he would have to go to the North Pole to get it. He he he. Yeah I will mail it out and it will somehow get to him at the campground. Dont you worry about that.

So thats when all the kids piled on the trailer for a ride with Santa. And you can believe that Cami was on there too. Its the same trailer that they use for the hayrides.

Once we all gt back to the camp, we had some lunch and it was pretty much time to go home. What a busy day. Next is Kids Day. And then comes Halloween. But Im not pushing my summer away too fast. Yeah Im missing LW alot. But Im als enjoying my vacation time from school.

Is this guy for real?

http://www.ocweekly.com/news/news/who-is-this-jerk-off/27431/

Half way through....

Half way through...

We are about half way through the month. I missed a few blog posts that I promised myself that I would write but just didnt have the energy to do them. I should write about the second part of the 4th of July. So I will get right to that. As you already know, my family is strange. Strangely fun though. Never a dull moment. And you all wonder where I get it from.

After the parade, we all went back to the campsite to have lunch. Now there are several places in the area that are scheduled to have fireworks for tonight. The big ones that we prefer to go to dont though. Not sure if this is a blessing or not. The one resort only holds them on Thursday nights and the main 4th of July display that we like to go to isnt having them until next week. Good thing for that because once we got settled to sit down to eat, the sky opened up and it was suddenly monsoon season. It was coming down in buckets with no sign of stopping.

This brought a damper to a little girls plans. She wanted to see fireworks. If we had taken her to see them that night, it would have been down in town at a field that is a pain in the ass to park near. The last time we went to this particular one, we had to park along the road about a mile away. Walking this road with lawnchairs, an infant, a dog and two people that couldnt walk this far, was a joy. Enter sarcasim here. The fireworks were not all that great either. I really wasnt looking forward to that again. So I explained to her that we would wait until next weekend and go to the Friar Tuck to see the good ones. She finally gave in. I think it was only because she really didnt want to hear me bitch anymore about the rain. What fun would it be to do all that walking and sit in a field while getting wet and feeding all the blood suckers flying around?

So Mouse, being the generous and caring man that he is, will do anything for Cami. So he goes out to his shed and brings out some fireworks that he "aquired" while on the trip back up to NY from FL. Ok, so he stopped in SC and bought them. But they are illegal in NY so they have to be something that he wont get caught with. Nothing that makes a big boom or alot of flash. Read: Sparklers and some glitter fountains.

She took one look at the giant sparklers and her eyes got really huge. I swear this girl is a pyro in disguise. These things were almost as tall as she is. So the rain let up a little bit and they stood under the trees near the fire pit and lit a couple of these suckers up. I wish I had the photos off of my moms camera for visuals. Its very hard to describe the excitement of the lighting of the fireworks. This goes for Cami too. Yeah, Mouse was the biggest kid of them all.

So he lit one of the fountains on the top of the fire pit. Mind you that this wall is about 4 feet tall. It shot out sparkles and alot of smoke. Due to the heavy moisture in the air, the smoke hung low and ventured up the road. I know none of the campers on our road would care but the camp ground owner would. Hes a class A prick about every least little thing. I will get into that on a seperate blog someday.

So anywho, we all liked this private little display. Mouse was having alot of fun showing off to Cami. So he grabs a spinning wheel thingy and nails it to a tree. Its small and nothing that will shoot fireballs out. Cami loved it and noticed that he had alot more of those in the box. But she wanted another one of those fountains.

The next one he pulls out of the box is a fountain that is a little bigger than the first one. Being that the first one was pretty, he decided to stand near by and light some sparklers with it while its going off. So he propped it up in the firepit and lit it. The silver fountain of sparks came out. Ooooohhhhh.... Then the gold fountain came up. Oooooohhhhhh.... Then a mix of silver fountain with gold sparklers came up. He was about to walk up to it to light one of the hand held little sparklers when then fountain decided to set off a series of pops and booms. This was completely unexpected. Little did we know that it was supposed to do this.

So here is poor Mouse, up close to it and the booms hit. He grabs at his chest and jumps back with the look of shock and fear on his face. If I had a video camera, we would have one the big prize. It was one of those Fred Sanford moments. I jumped up and ran in the house because I nearly peed in my pants. I dont think I have ever laughed so hard in my life. I may have but this was funny as hell. The smoke was clogging the street and I was sure we were going to get caught. Poor Mouse had to sit down because he was now laughing himself. Damn I need those pictures. Of course, the littlest pyro is enjoying every second of this show.

So then he decides to look at the now empty fountain case and read the label. Sure enough, it said the word boom on it. Also there was a little stablizer that was supposed to be on the bottom of it. He took it off because he had no idea what the "little platform of cardboard" was for. Yeah, and we are trusting this man to set these off.

Once the smoke cleared and no one showed up to investigate the noise, he decides to set off a bigger wheel. So he nails it to the tree. But first he asked my mom which side goes against the tree. She said it didnt matter, so he just started hammering away. He lit it off and well, it didnt spin. Ummm mom, it does matter because he nailed the wrong side to it. So while its going off, he was going to see if he could get it to spin. Good gawd. We had to stop him from touching it.

Cami wanted to light more of the big sparklers. She liked those the best because she can hold them in her hand. Mind you that they are quite long and burn for about 15 minutes. She got tired of holding it so Mouse took it from her and stuck it in one of the hanging flower baskets. After a few moments, the basket decide to collapse on one side. The sparks melted one of the plastic rods that connected to the hanger part. So now the sparkler is facing sideways. Seems that every year at this time, we destroy something of moms. Last year we melted the windchimes that hung from the trees near the fire pit.

But all in all, it was alot of fun. Good thing I peed before because now he is back up on the deck with some pretty good sized tubes of something. We made sure that it didnt make any booms. He lit it off but I dont think he realized where he was holding it from. Im sure that I dont have to describe this little display. It said on the package to hold away from your body but in front of you. It wasnt something that shot balls out of but just a fountain of sparks. When I get the pictures, I will have to post that one because it was just too damn funny. Now he is known as the perverted pyro.

It started to rain again and the sun was just starting to go down. I think its about time to head home. We would be back down the following weekend for the real fireworks.

Lets jump ahead a week now. Its now Saturday and we showed up at the camp early to spend the day. Not too much happening but visits from friends and family and we had a nice BBQ. About 8, we packed up the lawnchairs and drinks and headed to the Friar Tuck for the fireworks. Usually they do these about 9pm so we wanted to get a good parking spot. For those that read my post about this place last year, we were parked in front of a small pond where some idiot decided his blazer would drive across it. This year we parked just across the gravel road from that spot. No one went in the pond this year though. No preshow entertainment.

We get the two vehicles parked side by side. Not many people are there yet. There is still some daylight left. But you need to get there early. So we have all the lawnchairs propped up in front of the truck tailgate and watched the people walking by. That was entertaining enough. There were some really strange people. Not that we arent strange, but these were worse. And most of them drunk.

So we get all settled in and my mom decides that she has to pee. There is no bathrooms out here and the walk to the resort main building is quite a distance away. She wouldnt make it so decided to pee between the two vehicles. Leave it to my mom to pull this one off. She opened the two doors to the Element and just simply squatted. She didnt care. Not like she would ever see these people again. I couldnt stop laughing but then discovered that now I too have to go. But Im holding mine. The fireworks will happen soon and then I can head home.

Well, I was wrong. We waited and waited and waited. My mom is watching the stars come out as it got darker and darker. She was commenting on how one was moving like a UFO but the rest of us thought she was cuckoo. About 10:15 they started the fireworks. An hour and 15 minutes late. By now my bladder was about to explode but now there are thousands of people around. No chance of me just squatting between the vehicles.

The display was awesome as usual and Cami was happy that she waited a week. Now its time to go home. Im exhausted and I had to pee so bad that my jaw hurt. I dont know the reason for this. Just felt that way. I was damn near swimming. Good thing that about half way home there was a shop open that we could stop at.

All in all I think it was a pretty decent 4th of July.

Yankee Doodle Betsy...

Yankee Doodle Betsy

I originally wrote this on the 5th but forgot to post it here.

I know Im a few days late and a few dollars short on this post. I was so exhausted last night that I passed out about midnight. Thats a tad early for me. And I do mean passed out. Just think, I didnt even drink. Speaking of which, Christy and I were just talking about that. Coconut rum pina coladas. She said to bring the big ass straws and I said that we need spoons because Im eatting that like a snowcone. We can do that while eatting frozen strawberries and frozen chocolate covered bananas. He he he.

But this post has nothing to do with all that. Although it would have been nice to have done. This post is about how I spent the 4th of July. I guess we do the simple and traditional goodies. BBQ and fireworks at the camp. This year there were a few exceptions. One major one was that Mother Nature thought it was Monsoon Season. It rained. It rained again. And yet again. There was no break in it. Well except in the morning. It held off for the Annual Golf Cart Parade.

Yes, the Annual Golf Cart Parade. Bet you dont get to see this every day? Neither do we because it only happens once a year. And trust me, thats more than enough. Let me give you some back story here first. We have a camp in a huge park. Its a long walk to get anywhere so we have a golf cart to get around. Ok so we dont have one, we have three. One for Mouse, one for mom and one that stays at Mouse's old trailer for his family to use.

There are alot of campers here that use golf carts to get around. Some are really cool. There is one couple that have the most notable ones. He has one set up like M*A*S*H* and she has hers all done up like The Beatles. Mouse has his done up as the LA Dodgers. I take credit for that one as I did all the painting by hand. He he he.

Well every year for the 4th of July, there is a theme set and everyone decorates their carts. They then have a parade around the grounds. Its alot of fun and very creative. This years theme was The Flag. So you can bet that there was alot of flags used for this. Mom and Mouse took first place last year with their cart done as Fallen Heros. They towed the trailer with two flag draped coffins and all the wars were listed. It was a really nice tribute. This year, they wanted to do something even more.

Those of you that know Mouse, know that he has a twisted sense of humor. You never know when he is joking or serious. But chances are he is joking. Hes great for teasing. But this year the gig was up when he decided what he wanted for the parade. I didnt think they would do it but they did. Good thing that my mom has a great sense of humor or none of this would have happened. Ok, it would have happened but I'll be damned that I would have liked doing it.

They wanted to do the flag theme dedicated to the creator of the flag. Not too shabby of an idea if you ask me. But how will we do this? The simple way would have been to decorate the cart and have mom dress up as Betsy Ross. Sounds good huh? But then this light bulb goes off above Mouse's head. I swear that it was a 100 watter too. Glowed so bright that I had to put on my shades. I think I would havebeen better off with Willy Wonkas goggles.

So here is the deal. Its the 4th of July at 9am. We are flying down the thruway to make it to the camp at 10am. Thats when the parade was supposed to start. Cami was to ride with them and she was very excited about this. As we are going, shes constantly asking if we are there yet. Is this some kind of cruel thing that is implanted into all kids? Are we there yet? No. Soon? Almost. How soon? As soon as you shut up. Silence..... I shut up and we still arent there yet. How many more miles? Good thing I had a CD in the truck that she likes. That went on. Really loud. He he he. For the rest of the trip, I heard her singing at the top of her lungs. That was amusing enough for me.

We pulled into the camp at abut 9:55am. Ok, we have 5 minutes to find them. We drove to the campsite and they arent there. Neither are the two carts. Hmmmm.... Now why would they have two carts? What is he up to? So we drove to his site and saw the Dodgers cart there and the other old one under a tarp. But the trailer was missing. No one is there either. So we drove back around to the front. Nope. Not here either. I asked where the parade was going to begin and they said that it would start running up in the Pines area. So off we go.

I cruise up into the Pines and I still didnt see them. I saw a few people putting their carts together but not them. I looped up to where they have the hidden horseshoe pits thinking they were up in there hiding while decorating. Mouse is known to do this so that no one steals his ideas. Nope. They are not there either. Its now about 10:10. I cant miss this because I have a kid in the back that is getting really upset that she wont be able to be in the parade.

I looped back around to the site and ran into the lady that takes the pictures for the newsletter. She hasnt seen them either. Well that helps alot. But I did see the trailer that will be used for the war vets. A few of the guys were getting that all ready to go and I asked them. They said that mom and Mouse are up in the Pines. I said I was just up in there. They shrugged and started to pull the trailer out. I thought, well they are going to be in the parade. Im following them up and that way Cami will be able to find mom and the cart. Good thinking huh?

Well it worked and we found them. Up in the Pines area. Duh. I went left to the pits. If I had gone right, I would have seen them. We pulled up and I nearly lost my bladder. I couldnt help it. What an awesome float. They had two trailers set up. One being towed by the other. The first one obviously being towed by the cart. The cart was all decorated nice with some flags and the cutest ballons. They were heart shaped and clear in the front with the flag printed in the back. Inside was a teddy bear. When you shook them, white feathers flew around like a snow globe. But some feathers caught the bears nose and we couldnt get them off. Oops. But all it all, it was cute. So he had a mustache that looked like Uncle Sam. Yeah, we will go with that excuse.

Now the back trailer is a tiny one. A little longer than a standard shopping cart. So Mouse rigged this up with Clyde. Oh, you havent met Clyde. Clyde is half a man. Literally. He is the top half of a mannequin. He has a head and a full chest but thats all. No arms. But he also has a scowl on his face. Mom gave him some color last week. She painted his hair brown and his eyes blue. Now he looks like a pissed of half a Ken doll. Just life sized. Mouse said that all he needs is Barbie. Yeah that might change things. *rolls eyes* Hes still only half a man. What good would that do? Not like he is anatomically correct. What could Barbie possibly do?

Well anywho, they had him all dressed in Army clothing. He was strapped to a chair with a board. At the ends of the board were two bicycle tires. This was to look like a wheelchair. Brilliant idea. He was all draped in flags to hide the screws. So here we have the injured war hero. We could have used him last year.

But the best is yet to come. Now we have the big trailer. This was all draped in flags and on one side in the back we have Uncle Sam. On the other side we have a large wooden bald eagle. The standard symbols of the USA. Not too bad. But in the middle of all these flags and platforms was something that nearly threw me for a loop. There sat a rocking chair. And in the rocking chair was my mom. All draped in crocheted blankets and wearing a bonnet. Hahahahahaha. You have got to be kidding me. On her lap was a flag and she had her glasses down on her nose. She was pretending to be sewing the flag while rocking back and forth in her chair. Oh this is too much. Now Im thinking, how in the hell will she be going up and down the hills in the park while rocking in this chair in the back of a trailer? Im highly amused.

So shes sitting there laughing and having a great time. I told her to watch for the pot holes. Yeah, there are alot of them too. She said she was ok because she was sitting on a cushion. If I didnt know these two better, I would have thought of a future Darwin. But Mouse was smart and anchored the rocking chair in so that mom doesnt fall out. Yeah, that makes me feel a little better. Not.

So everyone is lining up and she asks me to get her smokes out of the cart for her. I handed her the pack and told her to put them between her legs so that she knows where they are. She light one up and finishes it before everyone else got there. Its now 10:30 and Ms. Ross is ready to ride. Mouse and Cami get in the front of the cart and turn on the music. They are playing Toby Keith. I jumped in the truck and headed back to the campsite so that I may use the bathroom before they reach the Green Area.

Im there waiting and waiting. Finally I hear the music and get into position to take some pictures. The first cart comes around the bend and its the lady that has the trailer down the hill behind us. She stops and waits for everyone to catch up and also asks me where Cami was. I told her that shes on the cart with Mouse. So she looks at me and throws candy at me to give to her. Ummmm.... It all lands on the ground all over. They are the chocolate coins so they are wrapped. How funny is that? I could have walked over and taken them from her. Hahahaha.

So then up comes the rest of the carts and in the middle of them is the Vet trailer with Uncle Ray. Hes a WW2 Vet. One of the best guys you will ever meet. He is really close to us. So he waved for a few pictures. Then a couple more carts and I see Mouse coming up the hill. Cami is waving and having a great time. I took some pictures and then they go past so I can take some of mom too. She yells out to me that they hit a bump and her pack of smokes went flying. So I told her she should have had a better grip one them. She laughed because they were in between her legs.

So the parade passes and I hopped back in the truck to make it up to the Rec Hall before they did so I could watch the judging. I ended up following them up there. I parked and they went around the park one more time. So a bunch of us waited til they came back through. When they did, they all parked in a row for the judges. Mom come running up to me to find some smokes. I found hers down in the back part of the trailer but I couldnt reach them without ripping the flags off. I guess she will just have to wait.

The judges made their rounds and then started the announcements of who was the winner. When they called 16 Green, Cami screamed and ran up to get the trophy. So once again, they won. Now last year, when they took the props out, they burned all the wood and we had one hell of a fire. Not sure how many of you remember that post. We ended up melting moms windchimes. This year, however, there wasnt much for props but all the flags.

And we aint burning them.

When kids write about the sea.....

When kids write about the sea....

This was an email sent to me that I just couldnt resist.

1) This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly age 6)

2) Oysters' balls are called pearls. (James age 6)

3) If you are surrounded by sea you are an Island . If you don't have sea all round you, you are incontinent. ( Wayne age 7)

4)Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She's not my friend no more. (Kylie age 6)

5)A dolphin breaths through an asshole on the top of its head. (Billy age 8)

6) My uncle goes out in his boat with pots, and comes back with crabs. (Millie age 6)

7) When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes, when the wind didn't blow, the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would have been better off eating beans. (Billy age 7)

8) I like mermaids. They are beautiful, and I like their shiny tails. And how on earth do mermaids get pregnant? Like, really? (Helen age 6)

9) I'm not going to write about the sea. My baby brother is always screaming and being sick, my Dad keeps shouting at my Mom, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can't think what to write. (Amy age 6)

10) Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves into chargers. (Christopher age 7)

11) When you go swimming in the sea, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small. (Kevin age 6)

12) Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Two divers can't go down alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Becky age 8)

13) On holidays my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast. She says she won't do it again because water fired right up her fat ass. (Julie age 7)